Quotes of the day from the news?

[Faithless]

Hopefully an allowable spinoff of the other "quote" threads. This one deals with interesting quotes you came across in the news, either as interesting lines from an article or quotes from the newsmakers (like Dubya). :rolleyes:

(Extra credit if you can add a good retort.) :tongue:

At the bottom of this article... (http://www.canada.com/montreal/montrealgazette/columnists/story.asp?id=92267505-A917-46CE-9ED5-819A3740C8BD)
Quote of the day: Veronica Atkins, widow of the diet doctor, tells Dateline NBC how awful her husband's critics are: "They're like the Taliban. They're the vegetarian Taliban. Oh, I mean, I shouldn't insult vegetarians. But they're like the Taliban, these people. They're nasty."
Yeah, but your hubbie was still a heffer. :frown:

[ism]

"If Ralph Nader runs, President Bush is going to be re-elected and if Ralph Nader doesn't run, President Bush is going to be re-elected."

- Republican National Committee chairman Ed Gillespie on "Face the Nation."

[mr. x]

Hopefully an allowable spinoff of the other "quote" threads. This one deals with interesting quotes you came across in the news, either as interesting lines from an article or quotes from the newsmakers (like Dubya). :rolleyes:

(Extra credit if you can add a good retort.) :tongue:

At the bottom of this article... (http://www.canada.com/montreal/montrealgazette/columnists/story.asp?id=92267505-A917-46CE-9ED5-819A3740C8BD)

Yeah, but your hubbie was still a heffer. :frown:

haha reminds me of "this is like a modern day lynching" -jermaine jackson

even if mj is innocent that is an INSULT to all who were lynched

i was watching larry king live and Michael Eisner kept going on and on about how great disney's been under his watch and he's like "where else can u see a disneyland open it in hong kong..."

[Faithless]

haha reminds me of "this is like a modern day lynching" -jermaine jackson

even if mj is innocent that is an INSULT to all who were lynched

i was watching larry king live and Michael Eisner kept going on and on about how great disney's been under his watch and he's like "where else can u see a disneyland open it in hong kong..."

Speaking of MJ:

http://www1.chinadaily.com.cn/en/doc/2004-02/01/content_301973.htm
"The young man who made the allegations said he was given wine in soda pop cans," said Orth. "White wine was called 'Jesus Juice' and red wine was 'Jesus Blood.' Allegedly, Michael said 'if Jesus drank it, it ought to be good.'"
Considering how Mel Gibson's "Passion of Christ" came out, makes you wonder if he was sipping "Jesus Juice" as well.

I thought only Mary Magdalene experienced "Jesus Juice".

[nonamerasian]

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_868281.html?menu=news.latestheadlines

A college professor in North Carolina has resigned after a male pupil stripped off in class in exchange for an A grade.

The professor at Mars Hill College had challenged students to strip in his sociology class to get top marks.

College President Dan Lunsford said the professor didn't expect the student would actually take off his clothes during the class.

He said the professor was intending to illustrate cultural differences and that public nudity is unacceptable in American society.

This is the society where a titty flash is exchanged for beads.

I'm better than that, though.

I flash for karma!

http://www.freeadpower.org/~mrsmiles/contrib/constrector/waglleybooty.gif

[mr. x]

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_868281.html?menu=news.latestheadlines



This is the society where a titty flash is exchanged for beads.

I'm better than that, though.

I flash for karma!

http://www.freeadpower.org/~mrsmiles/contrib/constrector/waglleybooty.gif

now THAT is what i call decent exposure! karma 4u

speaking of quote what about the one from the colorado coach who said that girl was a terrible player?

[Faithless]

now THAT is what i call decent exposure! karma 4u

speaking of quote what about the one from the colorado coach who said that girl was a terrible player?

http://www.9news.com/storyfull.aspx?storyid=24672
BOULDER – Parents of University of Colorado football players say they want Coach Gary Barnett back.
One father, Wilber McNitWit was quoted as saying, "With Barnett gone, who else is gonna git mah boy laid? Kobe Bryant?"

[Faithless]

http://www.sundayherald.com/39552
"It is the great unspoken rule of American politics that all campaign headquarters must be within spitting distance of a Chinese take away, a launderette and a tanning salon."
(In a review of some articles, this appears to be true.)

Stickhandling into the Chinese food hall of fame (http://www.thestar.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=thestar/Layout/Article_Type1&c=Article&cid=1075504210337&call_pageid=968332188492&col=968793972154)
"The only rule of chopstick use I know — I figured it out at the Pho Hung, a Vietnamese restaurant on Spadina where I carry out a great deal of my research on how to eat with chopsticks — has to do with the discovery that while using one chopstick is impossible, and using two is extremely difficult, using three is a complete waste of time."
Who the heck uses three sticks at a time? :confused:

[mr. x]

http://www.9news.com/storyfull.aspx?storyid=24672

One father, Wilber McNitWit was quoted as saying, "With Barnett gone, who else is gonna git mah boy laid? Kobe Bryant?"

serious?!? i didnt read that. were u being sarcastic?

[Faithless]

serious?!? i didnt read that. were u being sarcastic?
J/K all the way.

[nonamerasian]

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_872072.html?menu=news.quirkies

A Norwegian sexologist is compiling a book to show off the variety of his countrymens' penises.

Esben Esther Pirelli Benestad photographed dozens of men in Oslo and Grimstad to illustrate his book.

I hope it's a pop up book!

[Faithless]

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_872072.html?menu=news.quirkies

I hope it's a pop up book!
.
Paul Waldman: How will Nader do in '04? Take a look at '00. (http://www.prospect.org/webfeatures/2004/02/meyerson-h-02-23.html)
"Thanks for giving us George W. Bush, asshole."
Paul Waldman is editor in chief of the Internet magazine The Gadflyer ( www.gadflyer.com ). His latest book is Fraud: The Strategy Behind the Bush Lies and Why the Media Didn't Tell You.

[mr. x]

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_872072.html?menu=news.quirkies



I hope it's a pop up book!

AAAAAHAHAHA

guy: "that is so totally gay! (buys one when nobody's looking...goes to bathroom...compares...)"

[Faithless]

Setup: An interview with a liberal activist on a constitutional amendment to the gay marriage issue.

http://www.metroweekly.com/feature/?ak=885

Let them pass a constitutional amendment and see what happens. I think all hell will break loose. Let them ban us in the Constitution and see if another closeted Republican is ever allowed to work in this town. It ain't going to happen. I mean, I met a guy a couple weeks ago in a bar, and he's hitting on two of my friends -- two of my friends mind you, he wanted to take a couple home -- and the guy's working for one of the senators who introduced the fucking constitutional amendment in the Senate. And he's in his thirties, he's not some kid who's desperate for a job. It's just like, what is the matter with you?
So, basically, he wanted to fuck them before he fucked them, royally. :frown:

[myself808]

link (http://www.thehawaiichannel.com/travelgetaways/2872388/detail.html) DENVER -- An airport security screener is in trouble for fooling around on the job.
In this case the security worker at Denver International Airport sent himself through an X-ray machine.
..snip
The screener, whose name hasn't been released, has been disciplined. Officials say the X-ray incident happened about three months ago.

Sources say he lost a bet trying to prove that he did indeed have a penis bone.

[Faithless]

link (http://www.thehawaiichannel.com/travelgetaways/2872388/detail.html)

Sources say he lost a bet trying to prove that he did indeed have a penis bone.
Oh, oh, oh, I get it. He went through the darn conveyor, lying down.

Laughs on him. Surprise! You've been make sterile. :frown:

[mr. x]

Oh, oh, oh, I get it. He went through the darn conveyor, lying down.

Laughs on him. Surprise! You've been make sterile. :frown:

i was kinda wondering, i mean isnt that like unhealthy? its an xray for crying out loud. whatever happened to getting really drunk or drinking a concoction of nasty (but edible) stuff over a bet?

[Faithless]

i was kinda wondering, i mean isnt that like unhealthy? its an xray for crying out loud. whatever happened to getting really drunk or drinking a concoction of nasty (but edible) stuff over a bet?
Yeah. The question is -- would he have been penalized more for drinking on the job. :rolleyes: (I know that's not what you meant.)

He also could have been a real ass and put a tiny water gun in someone's carry-on.

[Faithless]

Interesting article, actually.

I like this one more for the title and the nickname of the person being discussed.

Health | Getting in touch with your Anus (http://www.ssonet.com.au/showarticle.asp?ArticleID=2889)
I have a friend in San Francisco who has been dubbed, by many grateful men, the “Avatar of Ass”. These days his hair may have greyed and his belly relaxed, but his passion for the anus is undiminished.
...

[nonamerasian]

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_878462.html?menu=

Coca-Cola says its "super pure" Dasani bottled water comes from the mains supply to its factory in Sidcup, in Kent.

What's the problem? It's super pure.

Pure bullshit, but super pure.

[myself808]

link (http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/query.fcgi?cmd=Retrieve&db=PubMed&list_uids=14870871&dopt=Abstract)
A 27-year-old lady presented with persistent cough, sputum and fever for the preceding six months. Inspite of trials with antibiotics and anti-tuberculosis treatment for the preceeding four months, her symptoms did not improve. A subsequent chest radiograph showed non-homogeneous collapse-consolidation of right upper lobe. Videobronchoscopy revealed an inverted bag like structure in right upper lobe bronchus and rigid bronchoscopic removal with biopsy forceps confirmed the presence of a condom. Detailed retrospective history also confirmed accidental inhalation of the condom during fellatio.
Sources indicate patient was quoted as saying "so that's why eveyone was calling me latex breath"

[Faithless]

link (http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/query.fcgi?cmd=Retrieve&db=PubMed&list_uids=14870871&dopt=Abstract)

Sources indicate patient was quoted as saying "so that's why eveyone was calling me latex breath"
Wouldn't goldfish have been safer? Bleck! :frown:

[mr. x]

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_878462.html?menu=



What's the problem? It's super pure.

Pure bullshit, but super pure.

shoulda called it "supure!"

patent!

[nonamerasian]

http://www.iol.co.za/index.php?click_id=29&art_id=vn20040305143506448C502717&set_id=1

It has long been known that many nursery rhymes allude to contemporary events, some of them distressing, even bloody, as outlined in Peter and Iona Opie's Oxford Dictionary of Nursery Rhymes, but a study of published psychoanalytical texts has taken Roberts further than others in finding sexual meanings.

Next we examine Little Red Riding Hood:

What does it mean exactly when children say the big bad wolf eats granny?

[Faithless]

http://www.iol.co.za/index.php?click_id=29&art_id=vn20040305143506448C502717&set_id=1

Next we examine Little Red Riding Hood:

What does it mean exactly when children say the big bad wolf eats granny?
Bleck! I don't even wanna know. :frown:

Wow. Good article find.

That's worse then getting your "lays" from Granny Goose. :rolleyes:

[nonamerasian]

http://www.iol.co.za/index.php?click_id=24&art_id=qw1078397640996B215&set_id=1

Spanish doctors have amputated an injured arm, attached it to the patient's groin for nine days and replanted it on its stump in an unprecedented operation, news reports said on Thursday.

Glass half empty: Guy's arm has been amputated.

Glass half full: Wanking has never been easier.

[mr. x]

http://www.iol.co.za/index.php?click_id=24&art_id=qw1078397640996B215&set_id=1



Glass half empty: Guy's arm has been amputated.

Glass half full: Wanking has never been easier.

wtf? why'd they need to do the groin part?

"oh i was just curious..."

[ChairmanMah]

archeological evidence shows that asians discovered bc 8000 years ago.

[Chester]

archeological evidence shows that asians discovered bc 8000 years ago.
They discovered the concept of dividing time into years Before Christ and the years of Our Lord?

And they did it 8000 years before the birth of Christ? Holy shit!

The next thing you'll tell me is that the Chinese invented grammar, and spelling, and punctuation...

[ChairmanMah]

They discovered the concept of dividing time into years Before Christ and the years of Our Lord?

And they did it 8000 years before the birth of Christ? Holy shit!

The next thing you'll tell me is that the Chinese invented grammar, and spelling, and punctuation...
b.c. british columbia you dickhead :smile:

[Chester]

b.c. british columbia you dickhead :smile:
Ha-ha...how about capitalization?

[mr. x]

b.c. british columbia you dickhead :smile:

technically didnt asians discover the states too i mean arent native americans basically asian migrants from back in the day?

unless Sven and his horned helmet, dragon boated, blonde haired crew beat em to it...

[Faithless]

Employee, 4ft 4in, was humiliated (http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk_news/story/0,3604,1163344,00.html)
A shop worker just 4ft 4in in height who was forced to stack high shelves without a ladder has won his case for discrimination against his former employer.

An employment tribunal ruled unanimously yesterday that Scott English, 19, had been unlawfully subjected to "a regime of unpleasant and vindictive behaviour", designed to humiliate him and put him "at a disadvantage".
...
When shelves were left empty, she (Vera Barsby) accused Mr English of being lazy, and at other times she referred to him as a "little shit" or "little bastard", even in front of Mr Mutton (store manager).
...

That's awl rawyit Mr. English, you can call Ms. Barsby a "big bastard" in return, now.

[nonamerasian]

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_884155.html?menu=

An American pupil has been expelled from school for taking scissors to a sewing class.

Jacob Finklea, 12, had taken them to his school in Indiana to make a set of pillows, but was booted out under his school's zero tolerance policy.

Jacob's mother, Chrystal, said her son had hurt his hands while using a school set of scissors so she gave him a pair from home.

Serves him well!

How dare he bring in a weapon when his school was prepared to supply.

[mr. x]

zero tolerance is ridiculous cuz if a kid wants to kill someone he'll bring a gun and he's NOT gonna ask

[nonamerasian]

http://www.iol.co.za/index.php?click_id=29&art_id=vn20040316013958255C896842&set_id=1

Congratulations! It's a girl...Uh, boy!

A Chinese couple raised their only child as a girl for 13 years until a visit to the hospital alerted them to the fact that he was really a boy, state media said on Monday.

Fortunately: No longer fear the day of daughter/mother in sync pms.

Unfortunately: The toilet seat won’t be down ever again.

[Emperor_Mike]

Employee, 4ft 4in, was humiliated (http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk_news/story/0,3604,1163344,00.html)

That's awl rawyit Mr. English, you can call Ms. Barsby a "big bastard" in return, now.

That's so sad and unfunny, but for some reason I'm fighting the temptation to burst out in laughter.

[Faithless]

http://www.iol.co.za/index.php?click_id=29&art_id=vn20040316013958255C896842&set_id=1

Congratulations! It's a girl...Uh, boy!

Fortunately: No longer fear the day of daughter/mother in sync pms.

Unfortunately: The toilet seat won’t be down ever again.
OMFG!

But this is so sad:
They did not realise anything was wrong until they were baffled by a "reaction in the lower half of his body" whenever he watched pretty women on television, the paper said.
That's probably when they realized that girls just don't do that. :frown:

*** *** ***

Man In Hospital With 6 Day Erection Problem Becomes Tourist Attraction (http://www.shortnews.com/shownews.cfm?id=37874&u_id=56352&CFID=720086&CFTOKEN=72602917)
Nurses, doctors and members of the Dominican Republic have all come to see the man that admitted himself into the local hospital after complaining of an erection that had lasted for six days.

The 25 year old man was told by doctors that urgent surgery was required otherwise he could be left impotent.

An obvious question of whether any sexual stimulants have been used was denied by the man, the doctor says he could be suffering from a rare form of anaemia, which gives men erections for long periods of time.
Bob Dole be damned. :rolleyes:

[mr. x]

^---oh man thats one helluva condition to have, other than the possible perma-impotence aspect

i heard that young guys doing the club thang take viagra to maintain erections but med people say thats bad cuz it could make u impotent

[myself808]

link (http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=573&ncid=757&e=1&u=/nm/20040312/od_nm/poland_nun_dc) WARSAW (Reuters) - A Polish Benedictine nun is facing jail for driving a tractor into a car while drunk outside her convent in southwestern Poland, police said on Friday.
The 45-year-old nun will be charged with drunk-driving and causing an accident, which carries a prison sentence of up to two years, Dariusz Waluch, police spokesman in the southwestern Polish town of Dzierzoniow, told local news agency PAP.
He said the nun was 17 times over the country's legal alcohol limit for driving.

[Faithless]

Ha!

Gives new meaning to "The Flying Nun"! :frown:

[hooligan]

Ha!

Gives new meaning to "The Flying Nun"! :frown:
praying has never been this fun.

[Faithless]

praying has never been this fun.
Well, if you count:

"Ahhhhh, holy shit! Goddamn, I hope I don't crash!" :rolleyes:

[mr. x]

man is it true what they say about the polish?

what the hell do they say about the polish, its always some behind the back joke about how they are like the irish but its never overt...

[Faithless]

From:

Gibson's violence is the wrong message (http://www.dailytrojan.com/article.do?issue=/V151/N37&id=02-gib.37v.html)
Gibson has been quoted as saying the film (Passion of Christ) is "about faith, hope, love and forgiveness — something sorely needed in these turbulent times."
To which the article replies:
Unfortunately, this is not the message that the film sends.

[myself808]

Unfortunately, this is not the message that the film sends.
you got that one right, to wit: (http://www.thehawaiichannel.com/news/2933222/detail.html) STATESBURO, Ga. -- A Georgia sheriff's deputy says he thinks "they missed the point."
Melissa Davidson and her husband Sean have been charged with simple battery after getting into a violent argument after they saw "The Passion of the Christ." The Davidsons, who've been married 10 years, left a theater in Georgia, debating whether God the Father in the Holy Trinity was in human form or spiritual.
Melissa Davidson said the argument got so heated that they "called the law on each other." A police report said she suffered injuries on her left arm and face, while Sean Davidson had a scissor stab on his hand and his shirt was ripped off. He also allegedly punched a hole in the wall.

"We're each other's best friends," Melissa Davidson said. "Sometimes people get stupid."
The last line is actually real

[kuilong]

From the Christian Science Monitor, quoting a FOX anchor:

"Another young Afghan boy is saying that, contrary to complaints from Human Rights Watch, he had a wonderful time as a detainee at Guantánamo Bay," a Fox anchor reported. Fourteen-year-old Asad Olad returned from a 14-month stay at Gitmo with rave reviews. "[H]e spent his days watching movies, playing football, and going to class, where he says he was fascinated by lessons on the solar system," the anchor said.

[nonamerasian]

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_894689.html?menu=

A four-year-old French girl ran away from home to go on a date with her six-year-old fiance.

The little girl left her house in Alencon at 6am with her backpack for a date with her boyfriend who lived a few streets away.

Okay! On the count of three!

One! Two! Three!

Awwwww, how cute!!!!!!!!!!

[mr. x]

you got that one right, to wit: (http://www.thehawaiichannel.com/news/2933222/detail.html)
The last line is actually real

i heard a bit back a guy into a fight over tickets to see the dali llama :tongue:

some people just have different paths in life i guess

[Faithless]

you got that one right, to wit: (http://www.thehawaiichannel.com/news/2933222/detail.html)
"We're each other's best friends," Melissa Davidson said. "Sometimes people get stupid."
The last line is actually real
Sounds like the COPS meets the Passion of Christ. :rolleyes:

.
http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_894689.html?menu=

Okay! On the count of three!
One! Two! Three!
Awwwww, how cute!!!!!!!!!!
The police spokesman added: "They didn't know she had left the house. She must have been very quiet."

Yeah, right! :mad: They were watch TV and were to goddamn lazy to check on her while Survivor was on!

.
From the Christian Science Monitor, quoting a FOX anchor:
"Another young Afghan boy is saying that, contrary to complaints from Human Rights Watch, he had a wonderful time as a detainee at Guantánamo Bay," a Fox anchor reported. Fourteen-year-old Asad Olad returned from a 14-month stay at Gitmo with rave reviews. "[H]e spent his days watching movies, playing football, and going to class, where he says he was fascinated by lessons on the solar system," the anchor said.

"And somebody gave me this little plastic stuff called C-4 to give to the other pwisonahs."

[Faithless]

So what does HEAL stand for in UTAH?

Senator's off-color remark raises concern (http://www.sltrib.com/2004/Mar/03122004/utah/147014.asp)
The Healthy Environment Alliance of Utah (HEAL) is calling for Bramble's removal as co-chairman of the Hazardous and Radioactive Waste Task Force based on the Provo Republican's remarks at the Utah Firemen's Museum in Tooele during a meeting sponsored by Envirocare of Utah, which operates a mile-square landfill for radioactive and hazardous waste in Clive.

After Bramble told the crowd HEAL stood for "Help Educate Anal Liberals," Tooele residents Scott and Valerie Petersen got up to leave and Envirocare supporters began applauding their departure.

[nonamerasian]

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_903083.html?menu=

Picking your nose and eating it is one of the best ways to stay healthy, according to a top Austrian doctor.

I'm sure plenty of six-year-olds around the globe will be made happy because to this study.

[Faithless]

Hello little thread.

Accused child rapist faces more charges (http://www.sentinelandenterprise.com/Stories/0,1413,106~4994~2173247,00.html)

Prosecutors have said Dumas befriended a local girl, who is now 16, by telling her he was part of a "secret organization" dedicated to helping Asian-Americans.
Dumas had to be a dumbass to think he could get away with that line for too long.

The only "secret organization" I can think of would be titled something like "Asiaphiles Inc".

[Banana]

When that radical Muslim was arrested in England, the conservative New York Post headline was "HOOKED!" Since the cleric was an amputee and had a hook for a hand.

How lame.

[Faithless]

Martha Stewart's former home in Nutley on market -- for $549,000 (http://www.thnt.com/thnt/story/0,21282,975280,00.html)
"It's not uncommon to find people in the yard, digging up dirt," Cheney told a reporter who ambled up to the house in March, just after Stewart was convicted of lying about a stock sale. "I guess they think it's good soil, because of her. Once, my sister came home and found somebody out here tasting the dirt."
Same dirt filled with remnents of dog poo and cat feces.

I'd say some people need to get a life.

[nonamerasian]

A hand from above.

New York police are searching for the owner of a severed human hand that dropped from the sky on to the deck of a boat.

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_975330.html?menu=

[Faithless]

A hand from above.

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_975330.html?menu=
And how do they know that Sherman from the Lagoon didn't spit it back?

[Hiroshi2]

From NBC13's website (http://www.nbc13.com)-






Police: Fight Over Trip Possible Motive In Mother's Slaying

Teen Claims Mother Wounded Him

POSTED: 8:30 pm CDT June 5, 2004

TUSCALOOSA, Ala. -- A search warrant indicates that a fight over a senior trip apparently led to an 18-year-old fatally shooting his mother.

The warrant obtained by The Tuscaloosa News was signed May 22 by Circuit Judge R. Malone.

Daniel Kelsey Hendrix and his mother, Daphne Hendrix, argued on May 21 over his participation in his senior trip.

According to police, the teen claimed his 42-year-old mother had wounded him with a knife before the shotgun slaying. Police Lt. Loyd Baker, head of the Homicide Unit, would not comment on whether Daniel Hendrix was treated for any injuries.

The teen had recently graduated from Hillcrest High School and was due to leave on the cruise to Mexico the morning his mother was killed. Principal Jeff Hyche said Hendrix's fare for the five-day trip had already been paid.

The Homicide Unit was sent to the shooting scene after a 911 call from a Hendrix family neighbor. Daniel Hendrix had gone to him and said that two to three masked individuals had entered the Hendrix residence, the warrant states.

Hendrix remained free on bond posted by his grandfather. A preliminary hearing in the case is scheduled for July 2. His attorney, Joel Sogol, said his office has received an outpouring of support for the suspect.

"I have the impression there was a huge problem in that house," Sogol said.






This fool shot his mother over a muhfucking senior trip?????????????

[mr. x]

From NBC13's website (http://www.nbc13.com)-

This fool shot his mother over a muhfucking senior trip?????????????
she didnt let him go right?

my guess is its a combination of things

i mean im sure he didnt wake up and go "hey momma i love u so much can i go"

"no"

"my love for you is gone!"

i bet he felt she was "holding him down" for a while

[Faithless]

The teen had recently graduated from Hillcrest High School and was due to leave on the cruise to Mexico the morning his mother was killed. Principal Jeff Hyche said Hendrix's fare for the five-day trip had already been paid.
And rather than just run out of the house, stay at some friends house, so that he could go on the trip anyway, he goes looking for the shotgun, loads it up, shoots his mom, and ends up on a trip -- to sing sing.

.
"I have the impression there was a huge problem in that house," Sogol said.
Should go in a subcategory called, "quotes that make you say, 'NO SHIT!'".

[nonamerasian]

http://www.iol.co.za/index.php?click_id=29&art_id=qw1087042684705A141&set_id=1

Saint Petersburg, Russia - In a more innocent age, it was said that Gregory Efimovich Rasputin's legendary power over women was due to his piercing eyes.

But a new museum of erotica here suggests that the mad monk's charm may instead have been, ahem, concealed beneath his cassock.

Measuring 28,5 centimetres (about 11 inches) - allowing, of course, for shrinkage caused by pickling - Rasputin's penis displayed in a tall glass bottle is, to put it delicately, a big attraction at the museum.

[mr. x]

http://www.iol.co.za/index.php?click_id=29&art_id=qw1087042684705A141&set_id=1
:eek:

omg, not that surprised though, i mean the guy got poisoned, stabbed, shot, rolled down stairs, and beaten but kept on going (the water did him in) so im not surprised that he probly had some er..."techniques"

plus isnt there a stereotype about russian dudes and....

[Faithless]

http://www.iol.co.za/index.php?click_id=29&art_id=qw1087042684705A141&set_id=1

Saint Petersburg, Russia - In a more innocent age, it was said that Gregory Efimovich Rasputin's legendary power over women was due to his piercing eyes.

But a new museum of erotica here suggests that the mad monk's charm may instead have been, ahem, concealed beneath his cassock.

Measuring 28,5 centimetres (about 11 inches) - allowing, of course, for shrinkage caused by pickling - Rasputin's penis displayed in a tall glass bottle is, to put it delicately, a big attraction at the museum.
Could you imagine how his morning wood could touch the upper bunk bed. :rolleyes:

[onnihs]

This story really fascinates me. Throughout junior high school and high school, Rasputin was portrayed to me as this mysterious figure who had overwhelming influence over the Russian Czarist regime. And it has always mystered my own mind, making me wonder if such mystic people could exist in the real, and exactly WHY this figure has been so mysterious to historians throughout the ages.

Now we know, that all of it might have been stories, and that his influence stemmed (lol) from his enormous cock, and the utilization of that cock towards the Czarina of Russia... ROFL!

[Hiroshi2]

Three cops were shot and killed in my city today. Here's the article from CNN..........




Three officers shot to death outside home

Thursday, June 17, 2004 Posted: 5:07 PM EDT (2107 GMT)

BIRMINGHAM, Alabama (AP) -- Three police officers were shot to death at a Birmingham house Thursday, and a suspect and four other people were taken into custody, authorities said.

Dozens of officers -- some wearing body armor and carrying shotguns and rifles -- swarmed around the house and went door-to-door in the neighborhood of modest, older homes, apparently searching for a suspect in the early afternoon shooting.

Jefferson County Sheriff Mike Hale said Nathaniel Lauell Woods, 27, and four others were in police custody.

Police said Woods was a suspect, and earlier had released copies of his mug shot, but they did not say why they took the other people into custody.

It was not known if any charges had been filed, and details of the killings were not immediately available.






This is very sad today, and even though I've had trouble with the police myself, I respect what they do and well this is just senseless that three cops had to lose their lives today :frown:



I used to live a couple of miles away from where this incident occured, and yeah it's a rough neighborhood and has been for awhile. It's stuff like this that makes me wonder how can we turn things around in these blighted urban communities.

[ism]

When Bush praised Clinton during the portrait unveiling (http://www.nytimes.com/2004/06/14/politics/14CND-CLIN.html?ex=1087876800&en=c0bd1da16508cb30&ei=5062&partner=GOOGLE):Mr. Clinton, for his part, said he had "mixed feelings coming here today, and they were only confirmed by all those kind and generous things you've said. It made me feel like I was a pickle stepping into history."If you can figure that last bit out, you're a genius.

[Faithless]

"a pickle stepping into history"
This is definitely one for the WTF? Of the Month club.

[Faithless]

Your quota of booger quotes?

Boys' gross-out humor inspires snotty new book (http://www.lsj.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20040825/THINGS0206/408250316/1055/news)

He'll probably get to it when he finishes writing "Earwax Is Eerie" and "Burps Are Beautiful." Of course, even those will have to wait until the buzz subsides about his current masterwork, "Boogers Are Blessings."

Breann's battles (http://www.gjsentinel.com/hp/content/epaper/editions/sunday/060604_breann.html;COXnetJSessionID=BvCQ5jJrGifTV8 Nk8YBsMHo6pKdnIEf5v6OT2xxwqXn722IFd6xZ!1443373493? urac=n&urvf=10936491040280.6627309618702149)

"The nose clip mushes your pointy boogers together and then it hurts your nose," Breann said.

Soldier’s new mission is exposing risk of depleted uranium (http://bellaciao.org/en/article.php3?id_article=2840)

"We started seeing sergeants picking their noses and eating their boogers," Kyne said. "You’d walk into a tent and a guy would be sucking on his big toe."

Laughter helps keep us young (http://www.pal-item.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20040815/NEWS03/408150337/1003)

A card from one of my more dignified friends pictured a young boy picking his nose while saying, "Birthdays are like boogers. The more you have, the harder it is to breathe!"

IT'S THAT TIME OF THE MONTH TO DISCUSS THAT TIME OF THE MONTH. (http://www.blacktable.com/waxing040812.htm)

It's always amusing to see girls talk about their menstrual cycles so, um, candidly.

Females, for the most part, are squeamish about anything men may find horrifyingly amusing: boxing, bugs, Fear Factor, face transplant specials on the Discovery Channel. Yet, it seems men will ever fully understand the whole cycle of life thing. And we couldn't. We could pick our own boogers and scabs until the day is long, but as soon as we see blood below the waist we're bound to faint.

But that's okay. We'll kill the spiders and catch the mice and watch people eat goat balls while you go do the hard stuff.

[nonamerasian]

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_1089829.html

A Japanese professor claims his country has the shape of its women's pubic hair to thank for its place on the world stage.

[Faithless]

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_1089829.html
Huh?

I've always thought that Japan, with its islands chained together, looked like a dogging snotting.

[nonamerasian]

Huh?

I've always thought that Japan, with its islands chained together, looked like a dogging snotting.

He's not saying the island is pubicly-shaped.

He's talking about the shape of Japanese women's pubes.

[Faithless]

He's not saying the island is pubicly-shaped.

He's talking about the shape of Japanese women's pubes.
Oh. My quote still stands, though. However --

The professor's thesis classifies women into five types, with most Japanese women having pubic hair like an 'inverted triangle'.

Professor Geinoe said: "This type is characterised by faithfulness and fitness for family life.

"Women of this type are good mothers, faithful wives and caring daughters. I don't think I'm wrong when I say that precisely this type of woman helped Japan become the glorious country it is."
This guy's like the second coming of the "nutty professor".

So, I guess, if you're shaved, you're screwed? :tongue:

[nonamerasian]

http://www.iol.co.za/index.php?set_id=1&click_id=3&art_id=qw110052774199B213

As President Bush once reportedly said of the world's second-most populous continent: "We spent a lot of time talking about Africa, as we should. Africa is a nation that suffers from incredible disease."

[BeTheReds]

I read a headline and totally misinterpreted what the article was about.

It was: "WWF says Mankind is Pillaging the Planet"

Immediately I thought of Mick Foley as huge as Godzilla breaking things down in search of food, when in reality it was about the world wildlife fund talking about humans using too much of the world's resources.

[Faithless]

Nasty at Newark (http://www.bergen.com/page.php?qstr=eXJpcnk3ZjczN2Y3dnFlZUVFeXkzOTcmZmdi ZWw3Zjd2cWVlRUV5eTY2NDQzNTUmeXJpcnk3ZjcxN2Y3dnFlZU VFeXkxNA==)
...
So when two older Asian travelers tried to board an already crowded shuttle bus at Terminal C, you would have hoped that their fellow passengers would have displayed some understanding. Instead, in a booming voice, one passenger wondered: "Where do they think they are, the Hong Kong subway?"
The best response came from the article writer:
No, they thought they were on a Newark Airport shuttle bus, hoping to get to their destination just like everybody else. How were they to know a jackass was on board?

[nonamerasian]

http://www.iol.co.za/index.php?set_id=1&click_id=29&art_id=qw1107262081365B231

The British founder of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA), the world's biggest animal rights group, is auctioning off a lizard tattoo on her right arm - with proceeds going to the charity.

[Faithless]

http://www.iol.co.za/index.php?set_id=1&click_id=29&art_id=qw1107262081365B231
I heard about this too.

Now, if people want a piece of those @#$% PETA people, they literally can. :rolleyes:

[applehead]

to quote Marine general Lt. Gen. James Mattis
"Actually, it's a lot of fun to fight. You know, it's a hell of a hoot. ... It's fun to shoot some people. I'll be right upfront with you, I like brawling."

He added, "You go into Afghanistan, you got guys who slap women around for five years because they didn't wear a veil," Mattis continued. "You know, guys like that ain't got no manhood left anyway. So it's a hell of a lot of fun to shoot them."

http://www.boston.com/news/nation/washington/articles/2005/02/03/marine_general_counseled_for_comments/

[deez nuts]

to quote Marine general Lt. Gen. James Mattis


http://www.boston.com/news/nation/washington/articles/2005/02/03/marine_general_counseled_for_comments/

spoken like a true marine.

[applehead]

i found his quote more scary than anything else.

[Faithless]

to quote Marine general Lt. Gen. James Mattis
"Actually, it's a lot of fun to fight. You know, it's a hell of a hoot. ... It's fun to shoot some people. I'll be right upfront with you, I like brawling."

He added, "You go into Afghanistan, you got guys who slap women around for five years because they didn't wear a veil," Mattis continued. "You know, guys like that ain't got no manhood left anyway. So it's a hell of a lot of fun to shoot them."

http://www.boston.com/news/nation/washington/articles/2005/02/03/marine_general_counseled_for_comments/
Is this quote anything akin to Klinger's dress gag? "Maybe, if I act real fucked up, they'll discharge me."

Actually, it sounds like he gets are real discharge out of his military service.

[pikachupacabra]

I think he didn't get a discharge, he was only "reprimanded", which can mean anything from some sort of administrative punishment to simply a slap on the back from his commanding officer with a "hey James, keep it away from the media next time"

[Faithless]

I think he didn't get a discharge, he was only "reprimanded", which can mean anything from some sort of administrative punishment to simply a slap on the back from his commanding officer with a "hey James, keep it away from the media next time"
Thanks.

I meant "discharge" is a play on words -- like "getting off" to the point of translucent white overfoaming. :rolleyes:

Kind of like how Ice Cube sounds off in Natural Born Killers:
Terror illistrates my era
now i cant hang around my momma
cause i scare her
Im quick to blast motherfucker
(yeah whats up)
it feels like im bustin a nut
when i open you up

[nonamerasian]

http://www.iol.co.za/index.php?set_id=1&click_id=29&art_id=iol1108645284193A551

London - A musical condom that gets louder as the sex gets more passionate has been invented in Ukraine.

I wonder if it plays Barry White.

[Faithless]

http://www.iol.co.za/index.php?set_id=1&click_id=29&art_id=iol1108645284193A551

I wonder if it plays Barry White.
Oo. Good find.

Now, you can actually hear the "skin flute"! :biggrin:

[nonamerasian]

A US strip club has managed to sidestep laws banning total nudity in public by offering customers the chance to make drawings depicting its dancers.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/4279003.stm

[Faithless]

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/4279003.stm
.
Crud. I was tring to find a rating for the club, before I had to go, but I can't.

Anyways -- Naked Man Flashes Cars on Chilly Highway (http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=816&e=4&u=/ap/20050219/ap_on_fe_st/brf_interstate_flasher)
Chilly weather hasn't kept a naked man from flashing traffic on Interstate 65 in north Baldwin County in Alabama.
Some passers-by have commented that we he's doing takes balls.

[Hiroshi2]

"I've got a family to feed."


- Latrell Sprewell, after rejecting a $7 million/year contract extension

[nonamerasian]

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_1294905.html?menu=news.quirkies

An Italian sex researcher claims he can tell a woman's personality from the size and shape of her breasts.

According to German newspaper Bild sexologist Piero Lorenzoni said: "A woman's breasts denote a woman's character, just like her star sign."

He has categorised breast types according to fruits and says men can draw up their own horoscope-type chart that indicates what a woman's chest size says about her.

[Faithless]

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_1294905.html?menu=news.quirkies
The obvious punchline:

"Can you say le sexist?" :biggrin:

[ism]

"Ninety-nine percent of people believe in the Ten Commandments. Eighty-five percent couldn't tell you what they are." - A. Scalia

http://www.newsobserver.com/nation_world/story/2174201p-8555383c.html

[Faithless]

"Ninety-nine percent of people believe in the Ten Commandments. Eighty-five percent couldn't tell you what they are." - A. Scalia

http://www.newsobserver.com/nation_world/story/2174201p-8555383c.html
And how many of them believe that "Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas" is great family entertainment, but SpongeBob is evil incarnate? :rolleyes:

[nonamerasian]

Eight ounces of water, three servings of dairy, an apple, and 60 wacks a day are the new recommendations to keep the doctor away.

Russian scientists claim a beating on the naked buttocks with a cane is the perfect way to cure everything from depression to alcoholism.

Researchers at Novosibirsk say caning releases endorphins, the body's natural 'happy chemicals', Izvestia reports.

Endorphins lead to feelings of euphoria, a reduction of appetite, the release of sex hormones and an enhancement of the immune response.

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_1336379.html?menu=

[Faithless]

Permit official faces bribery charges. District attorney, FBI probe S.F. building department (http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/chronicle/archive/2005/08/05/DBI.TMP)
Knox said Fallay, who he said has a master's degree from the University of Kent and has studied at Cambridge and the University of Redding, "has never accepted any bribes. If somebody gives you a present, if you have a birthday, Asian people give you a red envelope -- that's not a bribe.''
Oh sure! Now blame the Asian people for this. :rolleyes:

Is that all takes to get a little special service from city hall? Slip 'em a red envelope?

[nonamerasian]

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_1509468.html?menu=news.quirkies

A library in Holland is lending out people, as well as books, in a new initiative aimed at challenging stereotypes.

People can borrow gay people, gipsies and Muslims for an hour and talk to them about their lives, reports Nu.nl.

Jan Krol, director of the public library, in Almelo, said one of his assistants came up with the idea.

He added: "It's a good way to challenge stereotypes. Clients can lend out a Muslim woman in a head scarf and ask her the questions they wouldn't dare to if they met on the street."

The library has contacted ten people from different backgrounds who are willing to have a chat with library visitors in a pub near the library.

Looks as if www.rent-a-negro.com (www.rent-a-negro.com/ ) was on to something.

[nunya]

HIROSHI2/MR.X AND FAITHLESS...

send me a message please, and include your home address

[Faithless]

Nunya, F-T-S.

Anyway, "Don't tase me bro!" (http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5i9m8UfL87MAc7Qu1dw5p5DhrB-fQD8TL78284) is one of the top quotes of 2007.

Then there was the famous quote of Lauren Upton, the Miss Teen USA:
"I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because some people out there in our nation don't have maps and I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and Iraq and everywhere like such as and I believe that they should our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S. or should help South Africa and should help Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future for us" ...
Should have stuck to something short, inserting something about "world peace".