what is/was your relationship with you father?

[kasia]

if you feel comfortable sharing.

[SunWuKong]

he's a generous caring man. but for many other attributes that he has, i have spend the better half of my life trying not to be like him.

[kasia]

Originally posted by SunWuKung@Aug 22 2002, 04:56 PM
he's a generous caring man. but for many other attributes that he has, i have spend the better half of my life trying not to be like him.
is he the typical stone-cold asian father?

[wylin]

he was sum imposing figure full of calm quiet and flaming anger, he is the punisher, the maker and breaker of promises, and he owns me and my bro, he was the quiet figure who fought for my aunts and my mom, he was the broken man who relized he was a failure, he was a genius, he was an idoit, he was petty, he was grand, he gave us everything, and took everything, he is father.

[deez nuts]

Me and my dad have a good relationship. He may be anal at times, but he's a fair guy. And sometimes he comes across as holier than thou attitude. All in all, I admire what he did, his work ethic and providing a good environment for my mom, brother and me and allowing his children to go to school and not interfere in what they choose to do as a career. Although, he does wish I chose law instead.

Bottomline, he keeps it real with me. Tells me when I'm wrong and fuck up; and isn't too judgemental. But the lectures he gives me does tend to last for hours. I can kick it with him and have a beer together. But, I think he would have loved Wylin has a son, the man loves cars and loves working on them.

[ChinaLama]

I think people have a tendency to characterize Asian fathers as hardasses, so that if you're Asian and your dad has the SLIGHTEST strict tendencies or traits, people will automatically clamp down and say your dad's a hardass. I remember when I was younger, and I think even to this day, people who don't really understand my relationship w/ my father think he is or was a strict person. My father himself says he was "tough" on me as a kid; there was a period when I wasn't doing well in school in elementary school when he made me stay in my room during vacations and do workbooks. He also made me study for the SAT 3 summers in a row.

But then again, compared to a lot of other parents, my father isn't tough at all. He hasn't hit me since I was in 5th grade, he doesn't regulate my time like a German factory supervisor, and he at least listens to whatever I have to say. But most people don't know that my father is actually a fairly liberal person who emphasizes reason and nurturance over force; they assume that because I'm from an Asian family, that my dad's strict, and use whatever scraps of evidence they have to bolster that image.

[artsfartsyjanet]

Exactly, my dad is fair, but he (like one of you said) gave me everything but also had the power to take it away from me. My parents are authoritarian. What dad says, goes, and mom reiterates what dad says.... It's a stupid cycle. I think my dad attempts to show that he still has the "power" by telling me repetitively to check the mail, to turn off the stove, to mow the lawn, to do all these friggin chores that I can do on my own. So, I always reply the same way, " 1 + 1 always equals 2!" That's my way of saying, damn it dad, I know it already! It's a weird cycle. First they will give me mostly whatever I want, but there's an element of control. If I do as my dad/mom says, I can keep whatever I want. If not, oops...there goes the car! So, now I have two jobs just so I don't have to crawl back to them for money. So far, it's been going well. =) My dad hardly gets mad, but when he does get mad, I almost feel like I'm the one who is provoking a heart attack. I basically have contradicting feelings about my dad... Whether it's worth these whirl of feelings ... not really. Overall, I get along with him.



<!--EDIT|artsfartsyjanet|Aug 22 2002, 10:15 PM-->

[SunWuKong]

Originally posted by kasia@Aug 22 2002, 04:00 PM
Originally posted by SunWuKung@Aug 22 2002, 04:56 PM
he's a generous caring man. &nbsp;but for many other attributes that he has, i have spend the better half of my life trying not to be like him.
is he the typical stone-cold asian father?
no

[Faithless]

Me and pops are cool with each other.

There have been times when I haven't spoken to him for months. But that's because his lessons are hard to sink in. :frown:

[Tao]

my dad is the greatest person I've ever known. I'd gladly give my life up if it meant sparing his.

[Emperor_Mike]

My father's a genius. A trained MIT physicist with an Oxford MBA who ended up on Wall Street, my father never fails to inform my sister and I that we must out-do him in terms of accomplishments. As a result of this pressing type of "encouragement," my sister veered off to "do her own thing" while I took on the challenge. He's never been proud of my successes and each triumph on my part is simply written off as something "other people would've done anyway." I've wondered in the past if I'll ever make him proud, but then I grew to accomodate the view that nothing I'll ever do will be enough. I can go to Harvard or Yale, graduate with full honours and it'd still be "an average person's achievement." Even studying law at a UK Ivy is not good enough because it's "not Oxbridge."

But my father is not a bad person and although the sticking point of "Never Being Satisfied" remains, he's given me and my family more advantages in life than we could've possibly dreamed of. He taught us all how to be practical on matters and not to allow our emotions hinder our good judgement when the situation calls for it. He's also shown us how to be generous, kind, and forgiving to people and to never let anger get the better of us. His life's motto is "Those with the most must give the most" and he's put it to good practise. Without the incessant comparisons between me and other people/people's children, I would've never realised my full potential. His methods of encouragement are unorthodox, but I've survived worse. The years of constant pressure have hardened my emotional constitution and drive I suppose. For that I have him to thank.

All people have good sides and bad sides and parents are no different. I'm just glad that my father's bad qualities encompass constant nagging and indifference to certain aspects of his children's lives.

As with all things in life, it could be worse and I always tell myself that. It could be worse.

[moschikat]

me : Daddy! I'm unhappy!
daddy : here's $300, go buy something and leave me alone please.

<_<

i think he only adopted this attitude after moving to Thailand . . . never having time for family and all anymore . . . i used to go bowling, play chess, and do logic problems with my dad . . .

- until he started doing the secretary :ph34r:

[Emperor_Mike]

Originally posted by moschikat@Jun 24 2003, 09:03 PM
me : Daddy! I'm unhappy!
daddy : here's $300, go buy something and leave me alone please.

<_<

i think he only adopted this attitude after moving to Thailand . . . never having time for family and all anymore . . . i used to go bowling, play chess, and do logic problems with my dad . . .

- until he started doing the secretary :ph34r:
How perfectly appalling. :(

[tvbdude]

he never like me. he favors my younger sis more than me.

[applehead]

he's not as good of a father as he is a person.

[coagulated fat]

My dad's smart and funny. He's never strict with me, yet I've never stepped out of line academically or in any other area of my life. He takes classes at city college just so he can learn more about different subjects noncontiguous to his job, builds model airplanes, and plays classical guitar downtown on the street for tips. He snowboards and loves South Park.

[AngryABCGirl]

My dad was never the stereotypical stone-faced Asian father, neither of my parents were. My dad came from a dysfunctional family recovering from the turmoils of fleeing from China and the premature death of his biological mother which resulted in him being raised by a domineering young stepmother. As a result he just jokes around all the time and skirts around issues and doesn't like to face reality head-on in terms of his personal life and just focuses on working. He was never the one to tell me to study or work hard, never was tough on me. He was usually off at work most of time, my grandma raised me.

I'm the opposite of that, except for the joking around part, but I take issues in my relationships the most seriously before anything else, I can't work if they're serious issues going on, they need to be resolved first.

As a result there's this distance between me and my dad because he's missed out on most of the stuff going on in my life and just gives me money. He never seems to take me seriously or anyone seriously, we can't have a real conversation.

[Fireblade]

my dad... although he has his good and bad, should have never become a father. He's inept when it comes to all things social. It's not that he's a bad father, but he was never given an image of how to be one. My grandfather was an asshole to my dad, and although my dad provides for us, he doesn't really do anything else.

[etcj]

As Mike Myer's song goes: "Daddy wasn't there."

[thaite]

We keep in touch and I see him a couple times a year. That's about it. I'm not close to either of my parents.

[DragonKnight]

My relationship with my dad is currently very close ever since I moved out. Plus, he's getting pretty old now and we both feel our own mortality now that age has become a factor (especially with my own health becoming a concern). So we try to keep close tabs on one another. Plus, I visit the family often.

Of course, it hasn't always been this way. My past with him was extremely shaky and at oft times very violent. But now that we've both grown we've learned to forgive each other and to finally accept one another as father and son. It took a lotta time and pain, but we finally made it. :)

-Rich

[537]

My daddy can beat up your daddy. lol I just wanted to be the first one to say it.



Of all the low down fucked up things my father has done, I still give him major props. He came to the States with a wife, two kids, another one on the way, and two measly grand in his pocket. He's now living the retired life comfortable in a nice house in O.C. I respect his old fashioned ways, even though I disagree with most of them, but he will always be my father. Even though a part of me hates his guts for some of the stuff he's done, he's still the greatest man to walk the Earth.

[kayla]

I love my dad for all that he has sacrificed and provided but he's somewhat stubborn and doesnt understand how to listen to reasoning or emotionally provide for someone. Because of this, he doesnt emotionally connect very well to his wife and his children.

I think the day I realized that my dad and I didn't connect was when we went out to brunch together. I had to TRY HARD to find something to talk about to fill in the silences. It was awkward. Almost like talking to a stranger. And when we do have somethign to talk about, its usually trivial, superficial conversation like weird jokes or school and grades.

And what kills me is that I think he's 10x's lonier in general than I am with him.

[Faithless]

Originally posted by kasia@Aug 22 2002, 08:36 AM
if you feel comfortable sharing.
Unt what's your story? :confused: You can't just ask the questions and learn about everyone else. :rolleyes:

[CruX]

lol me and my dad avoid each other as much as possible. you guys have it good

[tvbdude]

Originally posted by CruX@Jun 29 2003, 04:58 PM
lol me and my dad avoid each other as much as possible. you guys have it good
yea right. have you ever have a fight with your father? I have. he's always taking my sister to china, LA, NY, and Japan and leave me at home. he even took my sisters friend to NY and not me.

[jimbo]

Wish I knew, He died when I was three. Never had a male influence in the house ever since. :frown:

[sOKaLiBoY]

he's always put his family over himself. i really didn't have any relationship with him until i was about 16. that's when we started talking about personal stuff. now 6 years later, i finally consider him my father.

[537]

Originally posted by CruX@Jun 29 2003, 12:58 PM
lol me and my dad avoid each other as much as possible. you guys have it good
been there, done that.

The kicker here is that sooner or later, you'll realize he won't be around forever, and you do whatever it takes to get back on good terms.

Sooner you do it, the better.

[Emperor_Mike]

Originally posted by 537@Jul 3 2003, 12:56 PM
been there, done that.

The kicker here is that sooner or later, you'll realize he won't be around forever, and you do whatever it takes to get back on good terms.&nbsp;

Sooner you do it, the better.
We're a family of immortals. Dad is six hundred and fifty-eight years old, Mum is four hundred and twenty-six, Sis is one hundred and twelve, and I'm one hundred and seventy-eight.

Don't get me started on Great-Grandpa and Great-Grandma.

[tianshadiyi]

my dad died when i was six in china,
i have a step dad (his white) relationship isnt good his a purile sack of shit but things are complicated

blood is always thicker than water.

[ChinaLama]

Sorry to hear about your dad. R.I.P.

[Ogumo]

My father is a very forgiving and kind person. Unlike myself. He's quite trusting. He treats everyone with respect. But I think he tries too hard to be a nice person. I don't know I think he is the way he is simply because he doesnt want to become Insane like my grandfather. He has hinted to that four times. But overall he is a very good person.

[Ogumo]

my dad died when i was six in china,
i have a step dad (his white) relationship isnt good his a purile sack of shit but things are complicated

blood is always thicker than water. [/b]
I feel bad...I take it this man will never replace your blood father? That is understandable. I do not think I would ever be able to except a white or non asian man as my father.

[jimbo]

I wish I knew, He died when I was 3, So I never knew him or remembered him.
All I've been told is that I'm just like him.

:frown:

[achtungbaby]

my dad died when i was six in china,
i have a step dad (his white) relationship isnt good his a purile sack of shit but things are complicated

blood is always thicker than water. [/b]
Sorry to hear about your dad.

My dad died when I was 16. I suppose I should have known him better, but I guess he was the typical, stone-aged father who just worked too damn much.

Hate on your parents all you want, but until they're taken from you, you don't realize the role they play in your lives...

[etcj]

As Ming Tea would sing, "Daddy wasn't there..."

[Faithless]

Yeah, aint that cool.

It's good seeing them running around in their old ages and healthy too.

We're a family of immortals. Dad is six hundred and fifty-eight years old, Mum is four hundred and twenty-six, Sis is one hundred and twelve, and I'm one hundred and seventy-eight.

Don't get me started on Great-Grandpa and Great-Grandma.

[younggiftedandblack]

My father and I had a good relationship. It wasn't great but it wasn't bad either. I'm in the Air Force and I was deployed to Afghanastan and I told him I would go and visit him when I returned. I hadn't seen him in about 3 years (I was stationed in Japan before) So I was going to see my pops when I came back from the war. Then one day on my way back to camp I was pulled to the side by this Major who informed my father had died the night before :cry:

Devasted it took me two days of straight traveling to get home for his funeral.

[futura]

My father and I had a good relationship. It wasn't great but it wasn't bad either. I'm in the Air Force and I was deployed to Afghanastan and I told him I would go and visit him when I returned. I hadn't seen him in about 3 years (I was stationed in Japan before) So I was going to see my pops when I came back from the war. Then one day on my way back to camp I was pulled to the side by this Major who informed my father had died the night before :cry:

Devasted it took me two days of straight traveling to get home for his funeral.

Sorry to hear about your loss :sad:

I have a good relationship with my dad as well. I think its partly because I'm an only child but also everyone in the family is quite close. Although I actually didn't on with my dad so well when I was young, I think we have have grown closer over the year because our conversational level has developed. He is not someone I would automatically go to for advice however, I know he tries his best to help me out when I have worries.

[sii-mon]

Well, as im an honest guy all i can say is he,s ok at times and other times he can be a really grouchy stubborn old fart..!! but somewhere deep down i lov im..!!

[Everglaze]

I'm not as close to my dad as I am to my mom.

What I dislike about my dad is that he makes too many assumptions and is at most times stubborn, also short-tempered.

However, he's still my dad so I don't hate him. We don't talk much but when we do, it always ends up in an arguement because the way we think are very different.

That's all I know...we don't really know each other as much as we think.

[John0101]

My dad was pretty much detached from everything. It's hard for him to get emotional and stuff. I know he cares but...

He pretty much lets me do anything I want, he bitches at me if I get bad grades, but unlike my mom he doesn't really complain and instead gives off a sense of disappointment when he smells booze or cigs on me. He considers me to be my own man, and that I am old enough to solve my own problems (im 20 years old).