do you feel pressured to "be Asian"?

[SunWuKong]

do you ever feel pressured to fit into a mold of what you or other Asians around you think that being "Asian" means? do you feel pressured by your parents to achieve certain things that seemed to you to be common Asian achievements? i have heard Asian Americans complain that they are "expected" to be this way or that way. maybe because i'm a 1.5 generation Asian American and maybe because my parents are pretty open-minded people that never really pressured me, but i personally have never felt pressured or felt that i was expected to be a certain way just because i'm Asian. what about you?

[Chris]

Great Topic.

As the oldest son, who grew up in a realtively traditonal household. I had so much pressure on being "expected" to finish college. "expected" to get married and producing a son for the lineage to continue. My realtive knew I had a lot of potential to succeed in life. So where does that put me? On top of everyone else expectations but my own. My did that all change about 2 years ago when I came out to my parents. It literally change how they see me. Their whole idealogy change and they are still coming to terms with it. Needless to say I have to keep things under wrap with my realtives hehehe.

[deez nuts]

Originally posted by Chris@Aug 20 2002, 05:50 PM
Great Topic.

As the oldest son, who grew up in a realtively traditonal household. I had so much pressure on being "expected" to finish college. "expected" to get married and producing a son for the lineage to continue. My realtive knew I had a lot of potential to succeed in life. So where does that put me? On top of everyone else expectations but my own. My did that all change about 2 years ago when I came out to my parents. It literally change how they see me. Their whole idealogy change and they are still coming to terms with it. Needless to say I have to keep things under wrap with my realtives hehehe.
Yah man, I got that too, being the oldest son. In fact it is emphasized many many times by my dad, that I am the oldest male of my generation, so it falls on me to carry on the family name. I'm surprised, he didn't flat out say, go forth, procreate and gimme some grandchildren! Geez, I feel sorry for my future wife already. Meanwhile, my younger brother (we're the only two males of our generation) gets no pressure.

And to answer MK's question. I don't find it hard to be Asian, but at times I find it hard to see eye to eye with my Asian friends. Since generally my viewpoints in regards to Asian-Americans and to the world in general is moderate compared to theirs. They feel, I don't stand for anything, but I rather just analyze and evaluate on a case by case basis.



<!--EDIT|Chasiubao_Boy|Aug 20 2002, 06:46 PM-->

[artsfartsyjanet]

Yeah, I grew up in a patriarchal household. As the oldest child, they basically think I should be a doctor and be the best at everything. I've probably disappointed them by deciding not to go to med school, but that's their loss. Sometimes, when I'm around there, the pressure is higher, but most of the time, I'm not.



<!--EDIT|artsfartsyjanet|Aug 20 2002, 02:49 PM-->

[angel nympho]

I don't feel pressured by my parents to be "Asian" at all. Sure, they have their expectations, but what parents don't. If I feel pressured to fit into some kind of stereotype at all, it's by my peers. Peers who think because I'd rather go surfing than play Counterstrike, I'm somehow trying to be something I'm not.

[achtungbaby]

(sigh)...I think there was a time when I used to complain about the pressure from my parents -- to do well in school, achieve, make money, succeed.

And now I know how much I've become like them, because when I think about the real pressure in my life driving those things, it just comes from within.

[SunWuKong]

Chris and Bunboy,
Wow, I never got that eldest son pressure from my parents even though I am the eldest son. I think it was always nonverbally expected that I go to college, and it was nonverbal probably because I never gave any indication that I wouldn't go to college. I was never pressured to go to grad school, they were happy enough that I go to college for undergrad (neither of my parents or any of their siblings could afford college). I never got the continue the lineage thing even though I am the only son in the family, and in fact, the only male continuum in my generation.

[princess]

Originally posted by SunWuKung@Aug 20 2002, 05:33 PM
do you ever feel pressured to fit into a mold of what you or other Asians around you think that being "Asian" means? do you feel pressured by your parents to achieve certain things that seemed to you to be common Asian achievements? i have heard Asian Americans complain that they are "expected" to be this way or that way. maybe because i'm a 1.5 generation Asian American and maybe because my parents are pretty open-minded people that never really pressured me, but i personally have never felt pressured or felt that i was expected to be a certain way just because i'm Asian. what about you?
i do feel some pressure from my friends to fit their conceptions of what being "asian" truly is. they label whoever doesnt fit their mold as "twinkies" or "bananas" and look down on them. its an insult 'round here to have them throw those words at u. i think it sucks that they feel the need to distinguish themselves this way.

[artsfartsyjanet]

Originally posted by princess@Aug 21 2002, 01:02 AM

i do feel some pressure from my friends to fit their conceptions of what being "asian" truly is. &nbsp;they label whoever doesnt fit their mold as "twinkies" or "bananas" and look down on them. &nbsp;its an insult 'round here to have them throw those words at u. &nbsp;i think it sucks that they feel the need to distinguish themselves this way.
i've told people that I consider myself as a "banana" but not in a negative context. I suppose I should be more PC and say that I'm assimilated, but I don't consider anything wrong with that. I just happen to be born in St.Louis because my parents became refugees from political turmoil in Saigon about 25 years ago. They started a new life here. Since then, I've gone to school with mostly Caucasians and Blacks. I was always one of two or three Asians in grade school and high school. So, I'm more assimilated due to circumstances. If someone started labeling me in a negative context, that person is only creating a barrier between the acculturated and the assimilated. In other words, tolerance isn't part of this kind of person's plan. I guess one can say it's a form of prejudice.



<!--EDIT|artsfartsyjanet|Aug 21 2002, 01:26 AM-->

[princess]

Originally posted by artsfartsyjanet@Aug 21 2002, 06:21 AM
I guess one can say it's a form of prejudice.
yep, definitely. i also know of many asians that complain about fobs...its sorta like the oppressed become the oppressors. everyone was new to this country at one point, and then they turn around and complain about the others that follow.

[SunWuKong]

Originally posted by artsfartsyjanet@Aug 21 2002, 01:21 AM
i've told people that I consider myself as a "banana" but not in a negative context. I suppose I should be more PC and say that I'm assimilated, but I don't consider anything wrong with that. I just happen to be born in St.Louis because my parents became refugees from political turmoil in Saigon about 25 years ago. They started a new life here. Since then, I've gone to school with mostly Caucasians and Blacks. I was always one of two or three Asians in grade school and high school. So, I'm more assimilated due to circumstances. If someone started labeling me in a negative context, that person is only creating a barrier between the acculturated and the assimilated. In other words, tolerance isn't part of this kind of person's plan. I guess one can say it's a form of prejudice.
but you know what i've found out after having lived and worked in Asia as an adult? in the US, unless you're a FOB, you're assimilated anyway.

[artsfartsyjanet]

Originally posted by SunWuKung@Aug 21 2002, 01:32 AM
but you know what i've found out after having lived and worked in Asia as an adult? &nbsp;in the US, unless you're a FOB, you're assimilated anyway.
That's what I was saying about acculturation and assimilation. By acculturation (unless the term is something else), these people stick strongly to their roots while adapting to the ways of the US (e.g. the "Fobs" as you put it). And the assimilated are people who conform to the already available consciousness. (e.g. the "bananas"). It's a bit of a gray issue.



<!--EDIT|artsfartsyjanet|Aug 21 2002, 08:50 AM-->

[amietron]

I get the "because you're a girl" deal from my mother ALL the time, nonstop. Cooking, doing the dishes, cleaning the house, this, that.. "Why do I have to do it again? Michael isn't do anything. Make him do it." But time and time again, it's all on me. He's a boy. I'm a girl. The girls gotta do the bitch work. Ugh. THen comes the "If you don't want to be a domestic wife like your grandmother in LA, you better graduate from college. No man is going to want to marry a useless, stupid girl who didn't graduate."

I'm the first born. I've been pushed since I was a kid. I had my first tutor when I was barely 4 or 5, in Kindergarten. No, not cus I was stupid. I was just as smart as any of the other kids. (I went to a private pre- k, where they taught us to read early?) But my mom wanted me to excel, and be.. better. So I had a tutor for English, Japanese school on Saturdays, and a tutor for Japanese on the side, also. Just so that I would be like a Japan-born kid. Err? Oh, and piano lessons. This lasted for how many years? I think until I was 12 or 13. PUSH, PUSH, PUSH doesn't work for child-rearing, people. It's a no-no. I don't suggest it.

Frikken, Jesus. When I was like 6, she made me go to this other Japanese school, 45 minutes from home. It was Mondays and Wednesdays from 3- 7. I'd get as much hw (if not MORE) from jschool as I would from American school. That jschool taught the same material as the actual schools in Japan. Now that I look back though, I'm thankful. Because of it, I can speak, read and write Japanese. Gave me an edge. But, it was hell going through it. Oyy.

Guys? I'm dead. I can't think. I haven't slept at all and it's 7:23AM. Sorry if any of this doesn't make sense or if you don't draw the connections.



<!--EDIT|amietron|Aug 21 2002, 06:24 AM-->

[SunWuKong]

are you thankful for the piano lessons?

[amietron]

Originally posted by SunWuKung@Aug 21 2002, 06:49 AM
are you thankful for the piano lessons?
Surely. :)

Helped with learning how to play other instruments: violin, clarinet, and choir.

i tried to learn to play violin. i only lasted 3 months.
played clarinet for a little over a year.

i more appreciate music, having taken lessons, i think.

[SunWuKong]

Originally posted by amietron@Aug 21 2002, 10:00 AM
Originally posted by SunWuKung@Aug 21 2002, 06:49 AM
are you thankful for the piano lessons?
Surely. :)

Helped with learning how to play other instruments: violin, clarinet, and choir.

i tried to learn to play violin. i only lasted 3 months.
played clarinet for a little over a year.

i more appreciate music, having taken lessons, i think.
hey i was classically trained in the violin. for a time, i had this russian teacher who used to tour all over the USSR with his group.
i also taught myself acoustic guitar and i play some percussion (but that's not too difficult to pick up for someone with a little musical background).

i heard that the clarinet is pretty easy. is it? i wouldn't mind picking it up if it's easy. i want to learn the sax. i want to play alto sax.

[Saiko]

I don't think I've ever been pressured much to be Asian. My parents let me do whatever makes me happy unless I grow up to be a dead hobo in a ditch. They do have some restrictions, but yeah. Point still stands. Although my dad used to call me Doctor Maggie and tell me he wanted me to grow up to be a doctor. But he knows that there's no way in hell I would be a doctor unless I can arrange the organs in an artistic manner. My parents would never force their children to settle down and marry. That'd just rush us into a bad marriage. While my relatives poke at my sister to marry and have children, my parents just tell her to take her time. And peers? I have no problem with that either. I live my life following this rule: If anybody expects me to be something I'm definitely not or resents me for being different, they can shove it and twist. I can say that I'm absolutely sure as hell that I don't want to be a carbon copy of everybody else. That single thought disgusts me. I also hate it when people tell me what to do, or when they try to either limit my freedom or try to convince me that I don't deserve freedom. They can all blow me because you can't tie down a free spirit. I got in an argument with my aunt because she was scolding me after she heard that I did no housework and was lazy. She kept telling me that I will amount to nothing in the future and that no man would want me because my job as a female is to be a housewife. That really boils my blood because if my only life's intention was to be a housewife, I would throw myself off a cliff and go splat. I need an exciting life. I would rather take a crazy ass roller coaster to school each day than walk or bus. That's how I am.
And I sure hope my words weren't too strong. o_O

[angel nympho]

Originally posted by Morientes@Aug 23 2002, 10:59 PM
being asian and coming from a liberal background i was hardly pressed to be asian. anyway, going for education/studying hard cannot be taken as asian because people, regardless of races, all want a better life for themselves. if doing things that promote your financial well future - etc makes you asian then so be it.
growing up, i was the *only* asian in my school - i had no identity issues. i did'nt need hollywood to make a role model for me, nor did i need to watch asian films to identify with. i felt perfectly content with myself and who i was - an asian. i had mostly white friends but this did'nt bother me in the slightest. i think one of the greatest assets that my parents gave to me was pushing me to be a free thinker - i can transcend petty squabbles, most biases, impartial and irrational judgements, never to conform to other people ideals/values - regardless of race. i guess if that makes me a sellout/banana according to other people then i guess all i have to say to them is - go f*** yourselves.
:) right on

[tapestrybabe]

me, i never really gave much thought of being an asian... until i hit high school... Before that.. i too can say i was pretty much content with myself. Having white parents, white family, white friends, growing up in white communities, churches, and schools... i never really gave much thought about it all... And i remember being little... my parents tried the best in exposing myself to my own culture.. such as buying me this korean/english dictionary. And what did i do with it?? I threw it out.. cuz i had no desire for it.. i was an english speaking american... that never really identified with my asian aspect...

But high school changed me.... cuz thats when the other white students categorized me... calling me ching chong and what not... i think thats when i started to have sort of an identity issue... feeling like, i was just american as them. And i think it was during that time when i started to look at my asian self more...

and wellz, i dont think i really feel the pressure into being asian... but the desire of mine is there.. when it comes to filling that void.. that i feel i have neglected. I enjoy listening to korean music. I enjoy being exposed to all the Asian American issues that i never even knew existed before... i enjoy being able to take an appreciation of my culture... And is it a requirement to be into all these things.. i dont think it is.. but i feel its my life experiences... and my self awareness that has brought me up to identifying all these different aspects of myself...

[boycott]

Despite growing up with intermittent racism, I've always tried to make European American friends but time and time again they've shown me that they are only fair-weathered friends. Somehow, they could never understand me nor act the way I expected of them or was comfortable with like my asian, latino and European friends. I guess it's because European Americans don't have strong family values like Asians, Latinos and Europeans. Actually, most Americans of any race tend to not have that deep connection with their parents, culture,etc... A lot of Asian Americans think so much like the European Americans it's frightening because no one knows what side they're on.

[SunWuKong]

Originally posted by boycott@Aug 24 2002, 05:42 AM
Actually, most Americans of any race tend to not have that deep connection with their parents, culture,etc...
i don't think that is fair to say. i think in comparison, asian people do tend to have more active relationships with their parents, but that is not to say that these are "deep connections". i have known white people to show more emotional openness toward their parents/children than asian people.

[angel nympho]

Originally posted by SunWuKung@Aug 24 2002, 03:36 PM
Originally posted by boycott@Aug 24 2002, 05:42 AM
Actually, most Americans of any race tend to not have that deep connection with their parents, culture,etc...
i don't think that is fair to say. i think in comparison, asian people do tend to have more active relationships with their parents, but that is not to say that these are "deep connections". i have known white people to show more emotional openness toward their parents/children than asian people.
i agree with you. i grew up wishing my parents were more like parents on tv.... i couldnt have a conversation to them about ANYTHING... the one time i tried, they practically gave the whole asian community a fucking transcript of the convo. they thought it was funny to tell all their friends about something i was seriously trying to talk to them about. they never showed any concern until i didnt want it anymore. the way i see it... sometimes old-fashioned parents have trouble realizing that respect is not ALWAYS given to you just because you've got more years under your belt.

[kasia]

all my neighbors seem to be pretty close to their family and relatives. grandparents, cousins, etc. seem to be visiting all the time. my neighbors are all white, btw.

it's easy to make assumptions about them--such as that they lack family values-when we don't know them very well.

don't fight racism with racism.

[tapestrybabe]

yeah, my whole entire family is white... except for my brother and myself. And to place judgement on them.. to say we dont have close ties with one another, and to say we dont have strong family values... that's just totally wrong...

[Saiko]

You know how some or a lot of Asian parents push their children into classes like piano and stuff at a young age so they'll be talented? I wish my parents did that. They just asked me a few times when I was very young, and of course I said no. And that was it. I wish they shoved me into at least one thing. Well, not force me to do it if I hate it, but make me try out everything and see what I liked. I would love to be able to play the piano right now.

[SunWuKong]

Originally posted by Saiko@Aug 25 2002, 09:15 PM
You know how some or a lot of Asian parents push their children into classes like piano and stuff at a young age so they'll be talented? I wish my parents did that. They just asked me a few times when I was very young, and of course I said no. And that was it. I wish they shoved me into at least one thing. Well, not force me to do it if I hate it, but make me try out everything and see what I liked. I would love to be able to play the piano right now.
there is still time for them to shove you into something. when you're as old as i am, then you can say that. you still have so much time to develop.

[Saiko]

Yeah, I think you've got a point there. Come to think of it, I think everybody has time to get into something. Unless they're at gunpoint. o_O