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achtungbaby
08-18-2002, 08:36 PM
By Ramola Talwar Badam, Associated Press Writer

BOMBAY, India (AP) -- ``Boy meets girl'' in India usually means boy meets girl with both sets of parents in tow. And in a new twist, an Indian reality TV show is showing the process of traditional arranged marriages four days a week.

The young woman and her parents choose one of three men -- for keeps -- on the program ``There Is Someone Somewhere.''

Popular Hindi movie star Madhuri Dixit, plays matchmaker-host. Dressed as if she were attending an Indian wedding, in embroidered saris and chunky gold jewelry, Dixit dances and sings, ``In our hearts there is hope ... maybe here itself ... there will be an auspicious marriage.''

``I honestly believe that there is someone somewhere made for everyone,'' Dixit says. ``That is exactly what happened to me.''

Dixit, a star known for hip-swiveling, spine-twisting song-and-dance numbers, met the man she recently wed in a traditional arranged marriage.

Many Indians find spouses through such marriages, where parents vet proposals sent by friends and relatives. Others place advertisements in newspapers or use the Internet to reach Indians abroad.

The show, which began two weeks ago, opens the arrangements up to the public. It shifts between segments filmed in the young people's homes and discussions in a Bombay TV studio with Dixit, the potential spouses and their families hashing things out.

The process stretches out over four episodes, with the bride-to-be meeting potential mates on Monday's and Tuesday's episodes, and the decision coming by Thursday's. The process then starts with a new woman the next week.

``I never really dreamed I would get married on the show,'' said Vinod Deshpande, 28, the first man married off. ``My friends were stunned.''

But now some are applying to be on the show, he added.

Most women who go on the show -- 11 potential brides have been taped so far -- are fairly traditional.

``These girls have never been on a date. They have strict parents and traditional middle-class values,'' says Zarina Mehta, creative director of UTV, the show's producer.

In traditional arranged marriages, families do extensive checks on each other. In the televised version, producers conduct background checks ranging from college grades to the applicant's aspirations.

``Medical tests are compulsory. But we also find out whether the to-be in-laws prefer the girls to wear saris and not jeans after marriage,'' Mehta says.

Fans say the show is realistic.

``In India you don't marry just the boy, you marry the family,'' says college student Viveka Pandit.

While the show enjoys a following, its repetitive discussions and garish sets have stopped the show from unseating popular soap operas from atop the ratings.

Critics also say the program reaffirms traditional concepts of women's roles.

``Why would an attractive, educated woman want to meet a series of random men and suffer their nauseating views?'' a reviewer wrote in The Times of India.

In last week's episode, a young woman seated on a brass swing was asked, ``Do you cook well?''

With her parents seated nearby, behind red-and-pink curtains under flashy chandeliers, she replied, ``Yes, what do you like to eat?''

That would-be spouse, however, didn't find a place by her side when her father later announced the family's decision.

Another rejected suitor, 28-year-old engineer Sachin Deshpande, says he hasn't lost hope.

``I feel someone somewhere out there is looking at this show. Sooner or later she will meet me,'' he said.

princess
08-19-2002, 06:10 PM
im not really in favor of arranged marriages, either. i know my folks already have in mind the man they hope ill find and eventually marry, but im glad they dont force me to share their vision of the perfect husband. i have an indian friend whos actually in the midst of having her marriage arranged right now and shes heartbroken. it makes me so sad to think about it. is divorce that common for arranged marriages in india?

SunWuKong
08-19-2002, 08:30 PM
Originally posted by princess@Aug 19 2002, 07:10 PM
im not really in favor of arranged marriages, either. i know my folks already have in mind the man they hope ill find and eventually marry, but im glad they dont force me to share their vision of the perfect husband. i have an indian friend whos actually in the midst of having her marriage arranged right now and shes heartbroken. it makes me so sad to think about it. is divorce that common for arranged marriages in india?
divorce rates are extremely low in arranged marriages. something like 1 in 80. of course, this isn't to say that arranged marriages are necessarily happy marriages.

artsfartsyjanet
08-19-2002, 11:47 PM
My parents tried to arrange a "friend" from Cali to visit me. If my mom can't find anything I like to wear, who is she to think she can find the right guy for me? My family, the traditional folks they are, love playing matchmakers. I don't think it's necessarily a bad that they try to introduce me to other Asian men, but most of the time, it's for their money first and love (what does that have to do with it)? LOL.... jk... Anyway, their suggestions haven't impressed me to this date. Of course, going around dating guys isn't always that great either. It takes WORK! =) Ok, I'm a bit scramble-brained right now since I really need to go to bed after I send this post. As I was saying, when my parents tried to set me up with this guy from Cali, I was in the middle of midterms. Usually, I just say I have an important exam to study, and that usually lets me off the hook. =) If I were actually meeting this guy in person, I'd feel awkward at first b/c I know that we were set up by our own parents. :blink:

LIBRAGAL1011
08-22-2002, 02:45 PM
Hello,

This is my first post on this site...so bear with me! :)

I was alerted to this post by Janet, and after reading it and the
replies, I do want to clarify the whole "arranged marriage" concept.

I am Indian, born and raised in the States, and I have to agree that personally, I would rather not get married off within 4 days of meeting a "suitable bachelor." I have nothing against my parents playing a little matchmaking, although it hasn't happened yet! :D

In any case, this show sort of reminds me of ABC's THE BACHELOR without the parents....and also the American version is over a month long process, not just four days. Still, though......there are some similarities.

I don't think there is anything wrong with being set-up, as many of us are set-up by friends, family members, etc...BUT I would rather get to know that person, go through the courtship process, and then decide to get married. Not all Indians in India have this traditional sense of "arranged marriages." It's an old custom from LONG AGO, and yes, it is still widely practiced, but not as much as before. Rather, people do have that choice of a "love marriage" just as Americans do. Also, according to our customs, when one does marry, it's not just the couple that is marrying, it's the entire family, and that is part of why this tradition is so widespread.

This show does sound interesting...I'm assuming it's only on TV in India?
Have any of you seen the movie, "Monsoon Wedding"? If not, it's a decent depiction of "arranged marriages" and typical lifestyle in New Delhi, India.

Thanks for listening! :rolleyes:

angel nympho
08-22-2002, 02:55 PM
I wouldn't want to be in an arranged marriage, but I know that in a lot of places, it's normal. I can see, though, how some people don't necessarily view passion and romance as a necessary thing in a marriage. One with mutual respect, companionship, and comfort can be just as sucessful. After all, when passion fades, these are the things you hope will still last.

kasia
08-22-2002, 03:06 PM
the way i understand it is:

you don't only have one suitor in the case of arranged marriages. the bride-to-be/groom-to-be aren't forced to marry those whom they may be repulsed by.

they believe that love is a duty...not something you just fall into. they grow to love and accept one another over time...

in a way...it almost seems more noble.

SunWuKong
08-22-2002, 04:51 PM
Originally posted by LIBRAGAL1011@Aug 22 2002, 03:45 PM
Have any of you seen the movie, "Monsoon Wedding"? If not, it's a decent depiction of "arranged marriages" and typical lifestyle in New Delhi, India.


GREAT movie

artsfartsyjanet
08-22-2002, 09:35 PM
Originally posted by SunWuKung@Aug 22 2002, 05:51 PM
Originally posted by LIBRAGAL1011@Aug 22 2002, 03:45 PM
Have any of you seen the movie, "Monsoon Wedding"? If not, it's a decent depiction of "arranged marriages" and typical lifestyle in New Delhi, India.


GREAT movie
I agree. LIBRAGAL1011 introduced me to the movie, and we watched it together. At first, I thought it was a bit slow in the beginning, but after that point, I really enjoyed the dynamics in it.

Danny
08-23-2002, 09:13 AM
I understand that a lot of westernized women area against the whole idea of arranged marriages, but in a great part of the world this is a norm and it seems to work fairly well... I like the concept that you are not just marrying a single entity, rather you are marrying into a family. That in itself seems to have been lost in the Unites States. American cultures strives for individualism, to be the best that you can be for yourself, thus you go out and find the best possible mate for yourself. In Asian culture, where the group mentality is in affect, a mate is chosen based upon criteria that is outlined by the families.

It is nice and all that people go out and have their choices to make and all, but why is the divorce rate 6 times that of people that are in arranged marriages?

SunWuKong
08-23-2002, 09:16 AM
Originally posted by Danny@Aug 23 2002, 10:13 AM
In Asian culture, where the group mentality is in affect, a mate is chosen based upon criteria that is outlined by the families.
i think this is no longer the case in urban east asia. although i'm sure some family pressure is exerted at times.

Danny
08-23-2002, 09:20 AM
Originally posted by SunWuKung@Aug 23 2002, 10:16 AM
Originally posted by Danny@Aug 23 2002, 10:13 AM
In Asian culture, where the group mentality is in affect, a mate is chosen based upon criteria that is outlined by the families.
i think this is no longer the case in urban east asia. although i'm sure some family pressure is exerted at times.
actually in East Asia it is... there is a wonderful book written abou tthe Asian Millenium, called Confucious lives next door, about Japanese/Korean/Chinese culture... why the crime rate is so low... fear of shame... it is a really good book that kind of explains a lot of the reasoning behind why asian culture is the way it is... there is even an explanation of why arranged marriages survive so well and for so long.

SunWuKong
08-23-2002, 10:20 AM
Originally posted by Danny@Aug 23 2002, 10:20 AM
Originally posted by SunWuKung@Aug 23 2002, 10:16 AM
Originally posted by Danny@Aug 23 2002, 10:13 AM
In Asian culture, where the group mentality is in affect, a mate is chosen based upon criteria that is outlined by the families.
i think this is no longer the case in urban east asia. although i'm sure some family pressure is exerted at times.
actually in East Asia it is... there is a wonderful book written abou tthe Asian Millenium, called Confucious lives next door, about Japanese/Korean/Chinese culture... why the crime rate is so low... fear of shame... it is a really good book that kind of explains a lot of the reasoning behind why asian culture is the way it is... there is even an explanation of why arranged marriages survive so well and for so long.
well i think it wouldn't be accurate to go as far as to say that "a mate is chosen based upon criteria that is outlined by the families". there is probably family pressure, especially if you're female. but nobody i know in urban east asia choose a mate based on what the family wants, ignoring what he/she want for himself/herself. that sounds more like how things were 3 or 4 decades ago.

achtungbaby
08-24-2002, 03:32 PM
Originally posted by LIBRAGAL1011@Aug 22 2002, 01:45 PM
This is my first post on this site...so bear with me!  :)

Welcome!

Originally posted by LIBRAGAL1011@Aug 22 2002, 01:45 PM
Not all Indians in India have this traditional sense of "arranged marriages."  It's an old custom from LONG AGO, and yes, it is still widely  practiced, but not as much as before.

"Arranged" probably isn't the best word for it. Koreans do this too, but I wouldn't call it "arranged" since it has such a predetermined connotation, more like "hooking-up" or something. Course, that also has an entirely different connotation in the U.S... :unsure: