Move in with the significant other?

[noname]

Do your views of what is acceptable differ from those of the people around you?

Could it sometimes be more of a practical matter?
For example, my mom didn't like it when my brother's fiancee (at the time, and has since become wife) lived with him in the few months between the time he moved into a new home for a new job in a new city and the time of their wedding.
Here was their deal: My brother finished residency, then got a job in a new city, then gave the rock to gf of 3 years (hence becoming fiancee), then bought a home in the new city (for which she signed as co-owner), then moved there to start work, then she got a new job in the new place, then they had the wedding and officially got married.
What was she to do? Get her own place for just those few months before the wedding?
Could there have been another way to go about this and make mom happy?



<!--EDIT|noname|Aug 11 2002, 11:27 PM-->

[Ayers]

Hmm, I voted to wait, but after reading the options I wanna change my vote. I think in your brother's situation, moving in was fine. They were getting married in a few months and to do anything else would probably have been a logistical nightmare.

However, I think there is something about waiting till marriage. I heard from someone that living with someone before marriage makes it more likely they'll have a divorce...

Found it (click (http://marriage.rutgers.edu/TEXTSOOU2002.htm) for more details):

The belief that living together before marriage is a useful way "to find out whether you really get along," and thus avoid a bad marriage and an eventual divorce, is now widespread among young people. But the available data on the effects of cohabitation fail to confirm this belief. In fact, a substantial body of evidence indicates that those who live together before marriage are more likely to break up after marriage. This evidence is controversial, because it is difficult to distinguish the "selection effect" from the "experience of cohabitation effect." The selection effect refers to the fact that people who cohabit before marriage have different characteristics from those who do not, and it may be these characteristics, and not the experience of cohabitation, that leads to marital instability. There is some empirical support for both positions. What can be said for certain is that no evidence has yet been found that those who cohabit before marriage have stronger marriages than those who do not.4

4 For a full review of the research on cohabitation see: Smock, 2000; and David Popenoe and Barbara Dafoe Whitehead, Should We Live Together? What Young Adults Need to Know About Cohabitation Before Marriage—A Comprehensive Review of Recent Research, 2nd Edition (New Brunswick, NJ: The National Marriage Project, Rutgers University, 2002).


So I guess it's not really shown one way or the other. My personal reason is religous. But who knows -- since I haven't reached that crossroad in my life maybe I'll choose a different path when I get there

[Barbs]

call me old-fashioned, but i think moving in together is something very very special. in this day and age when we dont' wait for marriage for anything (or very few of us do), getting a place together should be something that retains some sanctity. i think so long as u are engaged it should be okay. but something like getting furniture together and decorating a place for the two of you is very special. personally, i'm not for co-habitation prior to marriage / engagement. most of my friends who've done so have said horrible things about what it did to their relationship as well.

[deez nuts]

I personally would not consider marrying someone without living with them first. But, it's just my opinion.

[princess]

i would rather wait till after marriage before moving in. im with barbs on this one.

[thaite]

I got no problem with couples living together.

[amietron]

Originally posted by Chasiubao_Boy@Aug 12 2002, 11:57 AM
I personally would not consider marrying someone without living with them first. But, it's just my opinion.
I agree with Bunboy. Living with your significant other is much different from not living with him/her. You're forced to share your space, do (maybe even SHARE) chores around the house; it's more give and take. Although your relationship may be the epitome of fairy tale blahblah while not living together, how do you know that your relationship will remain the same, must you share a shack? I think moving in together would be a trial-run sort of thing, to test out if it may really work or not. Get my drift?

[ChinaLama]

i dun exactly know what constitutes engagement, but once 2 people have a fairly firm sense they may get married, I think they should live together. They shouldn't necessarily have SEX (well unless they've already done it :)), but I think it's important to know what it's like living w/ the other person. Better to break up then than to end up getting a divorce...far better.

[Hanuman]

Tons of my friends live with their signifigant others, engaged or not. I don't have a problem with it, but for me personally, I don't think its for me. I want the first time we move in together as a married couple to signify a new beggining for us. I don't want it to be exactly the same with just a new label.

[angel nympho]

It's a must to live with my S.O. before getting married... before even THINKING about getting married.

But I heard that it's a 2 to 1 ratio of people who get divorced lived together before marriage. Weird, huh? I don't know how that makes sense. I think it's because there's a 50% change of getting divorced anyway, and these days NOBODY gets married before living together.

[Chrysalis]

I know that this discussion ended ages ago but I had to put in my 2 cents. I believe moving in together before marriage. My religion actually has a rule that before we get married we have to live together for at least a year and a day. My partner and I discuss marriage like any other topic and know that we will get married in the future.

Chrysalis :dance:

[himura-dono]

living together before engagement and marriage.

1. why waste the rock on a girl you're gonna have problems with living with.
2. over a period of time after rock, get adjusted and see if any major conflicts come up.
3. after marriage, well, the guy is now officially happy or screwed :retard: .