last names

[lena99]

This is my first post and I would really appreciate a response.

I am Black, my husband is Asian. I use my husbands last name because its just seems traditional. A colleague of mine, who is Asian American, said she thought it was strange of a Black woman to have a Japanese last name and that I was, in here words, "trying to be Asian".

I was annoyed with her, but I wonder if other people feel this way. Do you think it is ok for non-Asian spouses to use "Asian" last names? Do alot of people feel like this woman? There is one other non-Asian woman I know, (White) she is married to a Asian American man but doesn't use his last name because she feels people act strange towards her.

I never considered this issue before and I wonder what other Asian Americans think.

Thank you.

[teaz0r]

simple, your colleague is stupid.

[Emperor_Mike]

simple, your colleague is stupid.

I concur.

Do what my parents and grandparents did: chain your last names together (e.g. Bolingbrooke-Chan, Richardson-Li, Davis-Huang, etc.)

[Tao]

yeah, don't listen to idiots

[ism]

No offense, but what your colleague said is about as stupid as saying most black people are "trying to by white" with their last names.

[kimpossible]

This is my first post and I would really appreciate a response.

I am Black, my husband is Asian. I use my husbands last name because its just seems traditional. A colleague of mine, who is Asian American, said she thought it was strange of a Black woman to have a Japanese last name and that I was, in here words, "trying to be Asian".

I was annoyed with her, but I wonder if other people feel this way. Do you think it is ok for non-Asian spouses to use "Asian" last names? Do alot of people feel like this woman? There is one other non-Asian woman I know, (White) she is married to a Asian American man but doesn't use his last name because she feels people act strange towards her.


I'm not quite non-Asian but close enough to relate to the problem.

Lena, use whatever last name you feel comfortable with. Your nosy Asian American co-worker can stick it where the sun don't shine. And anyone else that gives you shit for doing something the majority of other women do, including Asian women who marry non-Asians, take their husband's last name.

1) It's none of her business

2) Truth is that (at least I've found) that many institutions like insurance companies or credit cards get freaky when they see one spouse with an Asian name and one not. The screw-ups increase because people mentally separate ethnicity or group based on name. We've even had trouble at borders and had to produce our marriage license because my passport is in my maiden name.

There are some difficulties in using an Asian last name if you aren't or at least don't look Asian. I've been treated differently applying for jobs (as in the prospective employer will change the job description based off the name they see on the resume) and I had one Chinese lady at a Kroger's (a supermarket) try to seize my friggin credit card because she thought I had stolen it from an Asian person.

You can hyphenate or use married and maiden name per situation. Personally, I hate hyphenating my name and I've found alternating between my maiden name and married name to be useful depending on the situation. Professionally, I keep my maiden name and inform a prospective employer I could have records under my married name. I also keep my passport in my maiden name because I travel a lot to Asian countries. Anything personal, I use my married name, especially in arenas like estate/financial - anything officially binding us as a couple. My recommendation is to use both, whichever one gets you an advantage at the time.

[kimpossible]

I was annoyed with her

You're more of a lady than me. My natural response would have been to humiliate her.

[kitty]

agreed. your colleague was an idiot and maybe just trying to make you feel bad.

it's completely illogical since men and women have been doing it this way for eons. suddenly your name doesn't fit your complexion according to her and you're deemed a sellout or asiaphile? forget it -- she's probably trying to use some bitchiness to make up for her own initial confusion.

[SunWuKong]

moving to the relationship forum.

good topic, by the way.

[Cipherous]

Lena,

your associate is an idiot. You should've kicked her where it hurts most...the ovaries.

[lena99]

Perhaps demographics play a big part in your ostracism. Where are you from?

At the moment, we are in Tokyo. But this is an American company and the woman, along with just about everyone else who works here is an American. I thought this environment would be more open minded because so many of the people who work here are IR and live all over the world, but really they don't seem to be.

[lena99]

2) Truth is that (at least I've found) that many institutions like insurance companies or credit cards get freaky when they see one spouse with an Asian name and one not. The screw-ups increase because people mentally separate ethnicity or group based on name. We've even had trouble at borders and had to produce our marriage license because my passport is in my maiden name.
.

That's funny. I have had that happen also. We went back to the US for a vacation and for some reasons the customs office refused to believe we were married. We ended up standing around in immigration forever.

[AngryABCGirl]

People are stupid and close-minded, pretty much the reason.

[missmeow]

I agree with everyone else here. Sure, some people will be confused when they have seen your name before you, but that is not a biggie. (For example, I know a black woman who married a Polish white man. She has run into the "confusion" factor before) It certainly doesn't mean you are trying be Asian or something. That's a pretty dumb assumption, IMO.

[Mariko]

my mom is black and my dad is japanese and when they first got married she used both their last names...but now she just uses his last name... I don't think having an asian last name is trying to be asian...i agree it's just traditional to take his last name

[Deadpool]

[QUOTE=lena99]There is one other non-Asian woman I know, (White) she is married to a Asian American man but doesn't use his last name because she feels people act strange towards her.
QUOTE]
Is she still in Highschool or something? Otherwise why does she care what other people think so much?

[Proud_Jook_Sing]

My Aunt took my Uncle's last name. She's almost 6ft tall and blond.

Here's another lady: Monica Chang (http://www.monicachang.com)
She seems quite happy to integrate aspects of Asian culture into her life.

[BeTheReds]

This is my first post and I would really appreciate a response.

I am Black, my husband is Asian. I use my husbands last name because its just seems traditional. A colleague of mine, who is Asian American, said she thought it was strange of a Black woman to have a Japanese last name and that I was, in here words, "trying to be Asian".

I was annoyed with her, but I wonder if other people feel this way. Do you think it is ok for non-Asian spouses to use "Asian" last names? Do alot of people feel like this woman? There is one other non-Asian woman I know, (White) she is married to a Asian American man but doesn't use his last name because she feels people act strange towards her.

I never considered this issue before and I wonder what other Asian Americans think.

Thank you.

I don't know about other Asian ethnicities, but as for Koreans, the woman never takes her husband's last name. So in that case it might be a little strange. For japanese it is the opposite, so that woman needs to stfu.

[mr. x]

lena dont sweat it, a lot of asian women adobt their white husband's last name so you basically have asian women named "jenny johnson" and such and such

[Deadpool]

I bet no one would blink an eye if an Asian woman had a White last name.

[SunWuKong]

I don't know about other Asian ethnicities, but as for Koreans, the woman never takes her husband's last name. So in that case it might be a little strange. For japanese it is the opposite, so that woman needs to stfu.

technically speaking, Chinese people don't do that either. but then we're talking about English names here. and also, if the wife is not Asian, she might choose to stick with the Western tradition of taking the husband's surname.

[SunWuKong]

2) Truth is that (at least I've found) that many institutions like insurance companies or credit cards get freaky when they see one spouse with an Asian name and one not. The screw-ups increase because people mentally separate ethnicity or group based on name. We've even had trouble at borders and had to produce our marriage license because my passport is in my maiden name.
.

That's funny. I have had that happen also. We went back to the US for a vacation and for some reasons the customs office refused to believe we were married. We ended up standing around in immigration forever.


this makes me wonder if the same thing happens with Asian women and their non-Asian husbands.

[deez nuts]

a lot of my guy friends that married nonasian wives, the wives kept their maiden names for professional purposes. for social purposes they be referred to as mrs. <husband's last name>

[kimpossible]

technically speaking, Chinese people don't do that either. but then we're talking about English names here. and also, if the wife is not Asian, she might choose to stick with the Western tradition of taking the husband's surname.

you could say the same for ABCs or 1.5ers. I don't know any who use their maiden names exclusively. even my mother in law used her married name on official docs. she used her maiden name in things like Chinese social group associations. actually, she used her entire maiden name plus married name.

[kimpossible]

this makes me wonder if the same thing happens with Asian women and their non-Asian husbands.

In my experience none of my Asian family members, who married all non-Asians, have had a problem being recognized as a couple. Sometimes it was a problem crossing into Canada if you have everyone in the car born in the US but one. Depends on what border, where. I've read advice that when travelling to Asia it's best to keep marriage docs handy for IR couples where one mate is Asian. Though I've heard of one case where a woman was of majority Indian (from India) descent with a Hispanic last name who was deported to India because... Canadian(?) immigration authorities refused to believe a visibly ethnic Indian woman could have a Hispanic last name.

My sense is that because WM/AF is a pretty common visible coupling here in the US, it's not outside the 'norm' that most people in general, including those with authority, are accustomed to. At least in the modern day. I'm sure it was different a generation or two ago. Adoption is also not uncommon, so in the American mind I don't think it raises suspicion as much as they may merely register surprise at an ethnic East Asian with a non-Asian name.

[nonamerasian]

I couldn't help but laugh at your co-worker's audacity. And she is American, too?

How enlightening.

Judging by my last name, I guess that is supposed to mean I'm trying to be German.

[MellowDrama]

This is my first post and I would really appreciate a response.

I am Black, my husband is Asian. I use my husbands last name because its just seems traditional. A colleague of mine, who is Asian American, said she thought it was strange of a Black woman to have a Japanese last name and that I was, in here words, "trying to be Asian".

I was annoyed with her, but I wonder if other people feel this way. Do you think it is ok for non-Asian spouses to use "Asian" last names? Do alot of people feel like this woman? There is one other non-Asian woman I know, (White) she is married to a Asian American man but doesn't use his last name because she feels people act strange towards her.

I never considered this issue before and I wonder what other Asian Americans think.

Thank you.

Your colleague is an idiot! It's up to the husband and wife, period. If your colleague doesn't like it, she should shove it.

[MellowDrama]

I bet no one would blink an eye if an Asian woman had a White last name.

Of course. :p

[missmeow]

My Aunt took my Uncle's last name. She's almost 6ft tall and blond.

Here's another lady: Monica Chang (http://www.monicachang.com)
She seems quite happy to integrate aspects of Asian culture into her life.


Her hubby is uhm.....yeow...hot.

[mr. x]

Her hubby is uhm.....yeow...hot.

where's her hubby?

man i thought she was just another actress or something and then...BAM i was like dammmmmn she's ripped

[missmeow]

where's her hubby?

man i thought she was just another actress or something and then...BAM i was like dammmmmn she's ripped

Her bio has a link to his website. They're *both* ripped.

[mr. x]

yah, wow, i bet they must get stared at a lot

[Proud_Jook_Sing]

Yeah Monica Chang is pretty hot. :D

Kind of sweet how she incorporates alot of Asian culture, not just the characters but her dress and tofu dishes.

The guy's a lucky dude.

[Deadpool]

OMG. She looks liek she can rip me in half with her bare hands........Haaaaawwwt...

[Fireblade]

damn.... they both lucky in so many ways. Hotness indeed.