don't date Asian because of significant others' parents?

[SunWuKong]

now, those of you who know me would know that i'm one of the last guys to rant about interracial relationships, but here's something interesting i've recently heard.

so i thought i've heard of all the excuses/reasons for Asian people exclusively dating non-Asians, but here's a new one: they don't want to deal with the Asian parents of their significant others. i've recently heard this twice. one from a girl, and one from a guy. the guy is a slightly different case. he's Korean and he doesn't want a Korean girl, because he doesn't want to deal with Korean parents. he has no problems with dating non-Korean Asian girls. but the girl doesn't want to date Asian guys because she doesn't want to deal with the guys' Asian parents.

i really must raise a curious eyebrow at this excuse/reason. exactly how much time do they expect to be spending with their significant others' parents that they're going to exclude an entire race/ethnicity in their dating pool? or maybe their attitude is that everybody they date are possible marriage material?

anyway, i'm just not sure i buy this as a valid reason. it sounds more like an excuse that's easily justifiable. that guy i know, there's a lot about Korean culture that he doesn't like. he told me that i can assume the typical Korean people to be racist until proven otherwise. and the girl, i don't know her that well.

[lethal]

I can see the parent excuse as a valid reason. Some parents are pretty overbearing, both on sons and daughters and their spouses.

You could say the same thing about Greeks, Italians, Jews, and a host of other ethnicities too.

[Mo'Taka]

but even if you don't want to deal with asian parents, wouldn't it be stressful meeting S.O.'s parents when there's the interracial thing? especially when you're the guy

[Adaon]

Not really, depends on the parents, I think

[SunWuKong]

it just almost seems to me like you think you're dating the person's parents when you use that as a reason to not date someone. i mean of course some parents can be very annoying, but do you ever refuse to date someone because s/he has annoying parents? i guess personally, i can't imagine myself thinking "she's a great girl, and she's attractive, but her parents are annoying as hell so i'm not going to ask her out." that just doesn't even remotely make sense to me.

that doesn't even have anything to do with whether or not the parents are Asian - we haven't even began discussing the generalisation of Asian parents. i guess i don't know about anybody else, but my parents are pretty cool and relaxed about the little things.

i mean, does it say something about what you think of Asian parents, or does it really say something about how you think of yourself, when you're Asian, and you don't want to deal with the Asian parents of a significant other?

[Emperor_Mike]

I don't think any of my girlfriends have had difficulties with my parents nor have I had any with theirs. :confused: I suppose there are parental units who thrive in being disagreeable, but by and large it shouldn't be an issue, yes?

[deez nuts]

i've used it.

a decent majority of the asian parents i've met are a pain in the ass.

the nonasian chickies i've dated their parents gave them more autonomy.

[shy]

i see swk's point here... it's a pretty weak excuse. and the way i see it, first of all, it sounds like his example of such a guy is making assumptions that all asian parents are like that. and though many asian parents do have a different way about their culture that might contrast that of the american culture, i think it is sad not to give the relationship a chance... or the s.o.'s parents a chance!

sure... it might pose challenging at the beginning, but i find it generally sad that there are people out there who expect a relationship to be so easy that it is handed on a silver platter. and it's extremely sad that they do not realize that those relationships that face the most challenges or the most difficult challenge(s) and overcome them, are those that stand a way better chance to be happy with this person for the reset of their life!

what doesn't kill you makes you stronger... same goes with relationships.

now, speaking from experience, my parents have not always been... the easiet. at least not my mom. and i if any guy i dated felt he didn't want to put up with dating with me JUST because of my parents... well, i was pretty happy to let these guys go.

the way i see it, they weren't worth it for me. i wanted a guy who liked me enough to at least give my family a chance.

one of my best guy friend, rvx, has traditional chinese parents as well. and they really wanted him to date an asian woman. he started, however, to date this caucasian woman. and the rest of us really thought that it was going to work.

but upon him telling her (he wanted to be honest) that it may not be easy getting his parents to get use to them dating, she decided to end the relationship.

i'm not dissin' her per say... she was a cool chick. but i honestly think he is better without her. the way i see it, he's this amazing person who anyone would be lucky just to know due to his kind, generous nature (and good looking too!) and he deserves a woman who'd give him a better chance then that other girl did.

[jimbo]

I would date all colors of the rainbow. I don't have a preference. However, sometimes I cannot help but cringe at the thought of "Asian family obligations". I have enough as it is.

Go ahead and cast your stones...

I have to agree with you 100%

I have enough family obligations as it is by being the only man in the family, I have 4 sisters and my mother to deal with as it is, I really don't have the time nor the patience to deal with yet more family obligations.

[Proud_Jook_Sing]

I think I know where he might be coming from and I've read where other people have the same experiences.

One discussion was on why Chinese don't date other Chinese. It was because as soon as you date another Chinese, even casually, all your relatives (and hers) assume you're marrying her (why else are you dating her of course) Date someone non-Asian and you don't get that kind of pressure.

What do they do? Well, all of a sudden your parents and their parents get together and have Dim Sum trying to get to know each other. Now they invite each other to family dinners, etc. Heck, they embarrass the hell out of you by already starting to mention wedding. LOL You're thinking they're getting way ahead of themselves but pressure's on. Tough enough to build a relationship alone but now you have to manage their expectations and disappointment if it doesn't work out.

Hmm, I have to put this into my screenplay :D

[kimpossible]

i've used it.

a decent majority of the asian parents i've met are a pain in the ass.

the nonasian chickies i've dated their parents gave them more autonomy.

Well, maybe my husband qualifies as a sell-out but I think this was part of the appeal of marrying non-Chinese/non-Taiwanese. I'm not guessing about this, he's said so plainly that one of the reasons (among many) he didn't want to marry a Taiwanese girl is the chances of being stuck with demanding parents and being latched to him for life was too great.

If I remember correctly he also said that because they didn't live in a really large ethnic Chinese enclave that could support dating with some privacy (read: small town) that the chances of the girl's parents and his parents getting too serious about it too soon were high also. Essentially, there was a lot less cultural baggage if he dated someone more 'American.'

Course, the guy hardly had a date in either hs or college, so what the fuck does he know. Hope this answers the question though.

[rice cracker]

I've dated guys with stupid parents and in one case it was one of the main reasons why I broke up with him. I've also dated a guy with really sweet parents, but I broke up with him anyway. So I guess my point is using the parents race as an excuse is pretty silly.

Now I only date orphans. :heart:

[deez nuts]

Well, maybe my husband qualifies as a sell-out but I think this was part of the appeal of marrying non-Chinese/non-Taiwanese. I'm not guessing about this, he's said so plainly that one of the reasons (among many) he didn't want to marry a Taiwanese girl is the chances of being stuck with demanding parents and being latched to him for life was too great.

If I remember correctly he also said that because they didn't live in a really large ethnic Chinese enclave that could support dating with some privacy (read: small town) that the chances of the girl's parents and his parents getting too serious about it too soon were high also. Essentially, there was a lot less cultural baggage if he dated someone more 'American.'

Course, the guy hardly had a date in either hs or college, so what the fuck does he know. Hope this answers the question though.


i agree with him.

in my experience, taiwanese parents are by far the most pain in the ass folks to deal with when you date their daughters. they expect and demand way too much. this when i was just dating the girl. imagine what it'll be like, if you're married to the girl. i don't have the time and energy for all that drama in my life.

besides, i don't believe or want my parents and her parents getting too close. the same goes with me and her, i prefer neither of us get too close to our respective father and mother in-laws.

[SunWuKong]

i guess i never thought Chinese parents were annoying or had high demands, etc etc. i mean obviously they're different from non-Chinese/non-Asian parents, but i just take it as the same thing as when you're dealing with Chinese elders, you have to have the Chinese etiquette.

and you could just as well have annoying white parents to deal with, especially since you're Asian and dating their white son/daughter. my first girlfriend was white and her mother thought that God didn't create us to have interracial relationships, and she thought it was unnatural. but after a while she changed her mind about it because she really liked me.

[SunWuKong]

one of my best guy friend, rvx, has traditional chinese parents as well. and they really wanted him to date an asian woman. he started, however, to date this caucasian woman. and the rest of us really thought that it was going to work.

but upon him telling her (he wanted to be honest) that it may not be easy getting his parents to get use to them dating, she decided to end the relationship.

this is a different situation and i think i can understand. they were already in a relationship, and having parents that don't really like her means that there's a chance they may not go beyond a certain stage in their relationship. if the question of marriage came up and his parents still don't like her, that's a valid reason to question the marriage, and so it's a valid reason to question the relationship as well.

and personally speaking, if i was in her position, i would have taken a step back, too. blood is thicker than water, who am i to come in and cause friction between her and her parents.

i can totally understand it if someone were to say that s/he is just not attracted to Asian guys or Asian girls. it's already kind of weird to me when someone has a mental or emotional reason for excluding Asian people in their dating pools because you're basically assigning personality traits to an entire race of people. but to exclude Asian people because of their Asian parents? i just don't understand it. hell, Asian or not, i don't even understand why you wouldn't date someone (different from ending a relationship you're already in) because of his/her parents.

[Proud_Jook_Sing]

but to exclude Asian people because of their Asian parents? i just don't understand it. hell, Asian or not, i don't even understand why you wouldn't date someone (different from ending a relationship you're already in) because of his/her parents.
I think the distinction is dating casually vs. dating to marry. If you are not at that point in life where you want to date to marry you wouldn't want your parents or his/her parents to be so nosy (if they are the nosy type that is.) My guess is anyone who feels this way must have very nosy parents themselves.

OK all parents tend to be interested in who their kids are dating. But among my older Chinese relatives they feel they should be butting in even before the first date. They smother a relationship before it can even get started.

In all honesty I think that nosyness turned off all my cousins from dating Chinese. I am the only one married to a Chinese girl in my generation.

My mom in all seriousness once warned me that all the white women were after Chinese guys (ROFL, damn she got that one wrong.) I said, "Mom, that can't be true because Chinese guys have nagging Chinese mothers."

[shy]

this is a different situation and i think i can understand. they were already in a relationship, and having parents that don't really like her means that there's a chance they may not go beyond a certain stage in their relationship. if the question of marriage came up and his parents still don't like her, that's a valid reason to question the marriage, and so it's a valid reason to question the relationship as well.

and personally speaking, if i was in her position, i would have taken a step back, too. blood is thicker than water, who am i to come in and cause friction between her and her parents.

i can totally understand it if someone were to say that s/he is just not attracted to Asian guys or Asian girls. it's already kind of weird to me when someone has a mental or emotional reason for excluding Asian people in their dating pools because you're basically assigning personality traits to an entire race of people. but to exclude Asian people because of their Asian parents? i just don't understand it. hell, Asian or not, i don't even understand why you wouldn't date someone (different from ending a relationship you're already in) because of his/her parents.

i understand what you are saying but let me clarify.

he hadn't even told his parents yet about her... nor have they even met her what i mean to say is that... he wanted to give her heads up before hand, but before proceeding further and giving it a chance, she decided to back out.

i thought that was just silly...

[SunWuKong]

What?!?
Korean guy just want to date Korean girls.
But Korean girl doesn't want to date Asian guys. (She's eliminating the entire Asian race?!?)

no, the Korean guy doesn't want to date Korean girls.
and the girl is Taiwanese.

[SunWuKong]

ok. no flaming. posts have been deleted.

[SunWuKong]

My bad on the race mixup but regardless, he doesn't want to JUST date Korean girls, but he's willing to date other Asians (just long as she not Korean right?)

What's her xcuse? No Asians period.

he not only doesn't want to date just Korean girls, he doesn't want to date Korean girls, period.

[kimpossible]

^ how'd you get so wise at 20? :)

[John0101]

LOL Experience? I think I went through more crap than any other girl my age. My mom enrolled me into our local community college at the tender age of 14. I attended regular high school with my peers but I also had night/weekend/online classes at the community college. (Imagine taking on a workload of seven hs college prep/ap courses + 3 general ed college courses. OVERKILL!)


Overachiever :dance:

I guess some kids are just destine for Ivys

[AngryABCGirl]

I'm too young to even consider of this, but I know right now I don't want to deal with the giant family responsibilities of taking care of another huge family like my father had to, physically, emotionally, and financially. It really just doesn't and isn't going to fit in the type of lifestyle I have/going to have. It's bad enough dealing with your own Asian family, let alone someone else's.

I gotta find me a Taiwanese parachute kid like me whose kids they leave in America to play all day while they're off abroad. ;-)

[Cipherous]

LOL Experience? I think I went through more crap than any other girl my age. My mom enrolled me into our local community college at the tender age of 14. I attended regular high school with my peers but I also had night/weekend/online classes at the community college. (Imagine taking on a workload of seven hs college prep/ap courses + 3 general ed college courses. OVERKILL!)

In order to gain credibility among the other college students, I had to adjust my maturity level and ideologies.

Also, I just got out of a 4 year relationship.

Life is just a series of Pavlovian experiences. I learned from my mistakes.


Whoa, junior college at age 14? You must be way ahead of the rest of the college students.

are you working on your Player hatah degree (PhD) or something now?

[Tao]

Hopefully, I get into Santa Clara University for their J.D./M.B.A. program. ..it's the only accredited law school in my vicinity and I'm not too confident about getting into Stanford.
wow, nice

[Proud_Jook_Sing]

Hopefully, I get into Santa Clara University for their J.D./M.B.A. program.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Hehe, speaking from a former JD/MBA candidate don't bother with the MBA part since it seems you're in it for the law. PM me if you want all the gory details ;)

[kimpossible]

I think she should go for a JD/MBA. It's a powerful combo, she's got the maturity for a demanding program and she's the right age to run on pure youth and no sleep for the next 5-6 years.

I know a couple JD/MBAs. I've never been under the impression that they regret it.

[rice cracker]

Wow, Dilutedwater, you're parents are really nice. They bought you a house in the Bay Area? *impressed face*

[deez nuts]

i'm just as guilty as the next guy for this, as much as i care about the lad's edumication, no really i do.

but are we still talking about the topic? i can split the topics if you wish.

[ChinaLama]

i just wanna date non-Asian so i could fuck her on her parents' bed. ;)

[Tao]

i just wanna date non-Asian so i could fuck her on her parents' bed. ;)
woah....too much info

[missmeow]

i just wanna date non-Asian so i could fuck her on her parents' bed. ;)


That's kinda creepy. Would you wanna have sex on your parents bed? Yech :sick:

Anyway, would anyone's parents care? Mine wouldn't.

[Fireblade]

Err... I don't care if she's asian or what-not. Sure I'd give regards to her parents, but ultimately if her parents, regardless of race, are overbearing, I'd hate to make her choose, so I'd just leave the relationship. I can't stress enough how much problems can arise if you do not get along with your significant other's parents. If they play a large role in their lives, say goodbye.

This is probably why I don't expect to get married at all in my life. I push away my parents from my life, but I know if they met ANYONE that I was interested in, they'd start to nitpick. And it's just unfair for any woman to go through that sort of pain.

Yeech.. darn traditional parents.

[ChinaLama]

That's kinda creepy. Would you wanna have sex on your parents bed? Yech :sick:

Anyway, would anyone's parents care? Mine wouldn't.

i was just kidding. yeesh!

[deez nuts]

i guess i never thought Chinese parents were annoying or had high demands, etc etc. i mean obviously they're different from non-Chinese/non-Asian parents, but i just take it as the same thing as when you're dealing with Chinese elders, you have to have the Chinese etiquette.


it's not the etiquette, but the demands.

in my eyes, there's a fine line between respect and reverance for your signifcant other's parents and being sequacious and obsequious towards them.

from my experience, at times they'll push you towards or demand of you the obsequious and sequacious end of the spectrum.

[Proud_Jook_Sing]

This is probably why I don't expect to get married at all in my life. I push away my parents from my life, but I know if they met ANYONE that I was interested in, they'd start to nitpick. And it's just unfair for any woman to go through that sort of pain.

Yeech.. darn traditional parents.
Argh, you just reminded me of the nitpicking when I brought my future wife home. After all the harassment to date Chinese, I finally bring home a Chinese girl and my mother started nitpicking on her the day after.

It's like if she is not Asian well that was enough of a criticism, but if she is Asian they all of a sudden find other things they can relate to and therefore nitpick like crazy.

You know what helped? She was probably embarrassed that her mother was nitpicking on me so she was OK that my my mother was nitpicking on her.

Fortunately, both mothers stopped the nagging quickly. I think the fathers pretty much assumed we were getting married and that was that with them.

[Emperor_Mike]

Err... I don't care if she's asian or what-not. Sure I'd give regards to her parents, but ultimately if her parents, regardless of race, are overbearing, I'd hate to make her choose, so I'd just leave the relationship. I can't stress enough how much problems can arise if you do not get along with your significant other's parents. If they play a large role in their lives, say goodbye.

This is probably why I don't expect to get married at all in my life. I push away my parents from my life, but I know if they met ANYONE that I was interested in, they'd start to nitpick. And it's just unfair for any woman to go through that sort of pain.

Yeech.. darn traditional parents.

My friend's parents are very traditional people too. Her then-boyfriend (who is Spanish) was usually in knots whenever he had to do the dinner thing with the parental units. Eventually when they got married Mum and Dad lightened up a bit and my friend's husband is much more comfortable around his in-laws.

Moral of the story? Give it time. :happy:

[Napoleon Chynamite]

Ideally I would marry a Chinese girl...but that's only if I ever get married, which I don't plan on doing. But that might(probably) change 10 years from now.

[AliBabaIncorporated]

taiwanese parents are fucking insane trying to micromanage everyone's lives. especially when they've never met you but are being fed a bunch of bullshit misinformation by the self-absorbed older siblings of your girlfriend who and as a result are trying to convince her to break up with you.

[Icepak]

I've learned to be pretty firm with wife's parents and, in turn, earned their respect. My wife was pretty nervous about meeting my parents because I had been warning her about my parents for a while (all the stuff you guys are talking about regarding Asian parent stereotypes - those are my parents). But I figured my wife's great, friendly personality would win them over. And it did! She basically melted their hearts (awww).

[ChairmanMah]

now, those of you who know me would know that i'm one of the last guys to rant about interracial relationships, but here's something interesting i've recently heard.

so i thought i've heard of all the excuses/reasons for Asian people exclusively dating non-Asians, but here's a new one: they don't want to deal with the Asian parents of their significant others. i've recently heard this twice. one from a girl, and one from a guy. the guy is a slightly different case. he's Korean and he doesn't want a Korean girl, because he doesn't want to deal with Korean parents. he has no problems with dating non-Korean Asian girls. but the girl doesn't want to date Asian guys because she doesn't want to deal with the guys' Asian parents.

i really must raise a curious eyebrow at this excuse/reason. exactly how much time do they expect to be spending with their significant others' parents that they're going to exclude an entire race/ethnicity in their dating pool? or maybe their attitude is that everybody they date are possible marriage material?

anyway, i'm just not sure i buy this as a valid reason. it sounds more like an excuse that's easily justifiable. that guy i know, there's a lot about Korean culture that he doesn't like. he told me that i can assume the typical Korean people to be racist until proven otherwise. and the girl, i don't know her that well.

as i suspectd, some asian girls are even more racist against asians than any other race could ever be.

[shy]

as i suspectd, some asian girls are even more racist against asians than any other race could ever be.

yeah. sure chairmanmah. you're right. said asian women are the most RACIST people against asians on this earth... even though they may not have any history of hate crimes such as the KKK or true neo-nazis.

my god... will the whining and bitter 'i told you so that i'm right' never cease to exist???

your view on the truth is warped. the truth is that there are extreme levels of racism from every race, w/in AND out.

[ChairmanMah]

it just almost seems to me like you think you're dating the person's parents when you use that as a reason to not date someone. i mean of course some parents can be very annoying, but do you ever refuse to date someone because s/he has annoying parents? i guess personally, i can't imagine myself thinking "she's a great girl, and she's attractive, but her parents are annoying as hell so i'm not going to ask her out." that just doesn't even remotely make sense to me.

that doesn't even have anything to do with whether or not the parents are Asian - we haven't even began discussing the generalisation of Asian parents. i guess i don't know about anybody else, but my parents are pretty cool and relaxed about the little things.

i mean, does it say something about what you think of Asian parents, or does it really say something about how you think of yourself, when you're Asian, and you don't want to deal with the Asian parents of a significant other?

well, when i was at my white ex-gf's house for christmas, i didn't feel that welcome. i dunno, maybe i shut myself out on my own but i don't feel like i belong.

With an asian girl, i can see that maybe she may worry about the expectations but in the end, who cares? Just avoid the parents at all cost.

i only see them 2-3 times a year max

[ChairmanMah]

yeah. sure chairmanmah. you're right. said asian women are the most RACIST people against asians on this earth... even though they may not have any history of hate crimes such as the KKK or true neo-nazis.

my god... will the whining and bitter 'i told you so that i'm right' never cease to exist???

your view on the truth is warped. the truth is that there are extreme levels of racism from every race, w/in AND out.

take frigin chill pill, it's not that serious. i just throw stuff out there all the time to start trouble. once you get used to me you'll just get used to it.

[shy]

take frigin chill pill, it's not that serious. i just throw stuff out there all the time to start trouble. once you get used to me you'll just get used to it.

so you admit to liking to cause trouble? to the point where you get people to debate with you for pages upon pages?

real mature.

no. i don't think i need a chill pill. but you could take something for your maturity level.

[ChinaLama]

so you admit to liking to cause trouble? to the point where you get people to debate with you for pages upon pages?

real mature.

no. i don't think i need a chill pill. but you could take something for your maturity level.

aiya. both of you. :(

[shy]

so you admit to liking to cause trouble? to the point where you get people to debate with you for pages upon pages?

real mature.

no. i don't think i need a chill pill. but you could take something for your maturity level.

and just to ad to my above statemen chairman_mah... lets not forget that your reputation about this sort of this is pretty crappy amongst some members. so do you expect any better of a reaction?

[shy]

aiya. both of you. :(
sorry, chinalama... but i don't have any respect for anyone who comes into a serious conversation and throw out shit-like posts JUST to cause trouble. especially knowing that no one agrees w/ his attitude to begin with.

it's malnipulative and immature.

i don't mind the jokes and humour, but to purposely 'make trouble' isn't cool. i don't think me standing up for my stance on this is any crime. if i'm breaking any rules then pm me about it.

[ChinaLama]

i'm not saying you're breaking any rules, shy. i'm saying, you can't wholy blame someone for starting trouble that turns into pages and pages of argument, because an argument takes two people. in other words, the old internet adage: "don't feed the troll."

And yeah i just felt like causing trouble myself. :D sorry!

[ChairmanMah]

so you admit to liking to cause trouble? to the point where you get people to debate with you for pages upon pages?

real mature.

no. i don't think i need a chill pill. but you could take something for your maturity level.

oh, please, i just know that there are gonna be pissed off people out there about my my opinions (like you) and to be honest with you, i think what i said has some validity to it.

[ChairmanMah]

sorry, chinalama... but i don't have any respect for anyone who comes into a serious conversation and throw out shit-like posts JUST to cause trouble. especially knowing that no one agrees w/ his attitude to begin with.

it's malnipulative and immature.

i don't mind the jokes and humour, but to purposely 'make trouble' isn't cool. i don't think me standing up for my stance on this is any crime. if i'm breaking any rules then pm me about it.

ha, are you sure no one agrees with my attitude? not many people have shown much disagreement. Only a few, maybe only 10 people at the most.

[Tao]

ha, are you sure no one agrees with my attitude? not many people have shown much disagreement. Only a few, maybe only 10 people at the most.
that's because i stopped paying attention after the Nth time you've repeated yourself ad nauseum....sorry to sound harsh, but i don't like the way you're talking to shy, nothing personal, i mean hey it's the internet right?

[purezero]

I have a guy-friend who is afraid of pretty much all Asian parents. He gets all nervous. One time, he went to one of my friend's houses at night to ask if he could use the phone, but he wouldn't go into the house to use the phone because her mom was there.

[ChinaLama]

ha, are you sure no one agrees with my attitude? not many people have shown much disagreement. Only a few, maybe only 10 people at the most.

it's because we don't want to waste time responding. and 10 ppl isn't too few, esp if it's 10 active members.

[mr. x]

one of my friends who went to UCSD said he dated a korean girl but had problems cuz his gf's parents dont like chinese (she's korean) and they didnt even meet!

[ChairmanMah]

you two, tao and chinalam are the only 2 here besides kasia that make an effort of actually trying to counteract me.

Maybe just a few others but that's still not very many.

[ChairmanMah]

that's because i stopped paying attention after the Nth time you've repeated yourself ad nauseum....sorry to sound harsh, but i don't like the way you're talking to shy, nothing personal, i mean hey it's the internet right?

and i did try to apologize if i was too harsh myself, but some people just need to be taught a lesson if they try to look down on my ideas and opinions.

[teaz0r]

iiiiiii don't like dealing with parents.
asian or not. it's just that in my
experience 90% of the asians i've
dated had really... demanding parents,
and played a bigger role in any of
my relationships when compared to
dating other races.

i dunno.

[shy]

ha, are you sure no one agrees with my attitude? not many people have shown much disagreement. Only a few, maybe only 10 people at the most.

you just keep on believing that... but let me point out that you first said you were joking about the initial post that i corrected you on and then you said that there is validity in what you have said (you contradict yourself a lot when you get yourself challenged, btw).

so what i am saying is that you are taking your own bitterness about AF's and taking one example of what SWK said about that korean girl and basically using THAT as a theory as to how some AF's are the MOST RACIST people against asians more so then any other gender/race in this word.

so if you still think you have some validity to that extremely high-judgement, woman-hating bitterness of yours, i challenge you to prove to me that these women are as bad as the KKK or the nazis/neo-nazis. honestly... if chinalama thinks we are wasting time, then lets at least attempt to make a true debate about this...

[TyroneK(prettypretty)]

This thread is still alive?

[ChairmanMah]

you just keep on believing that... but let me point out that you first said you were joking about the initial post that i corrected you on and then you said that there is validity in what you have said (you contradict yourself a lot when you get yourself challenged, btw).

so what i am saying is that you are taking your own bitterness about AF's and taking one example of what SWK said about that korean girl and basically using THAT as a theory as to how some AF's are the MOST RACIST people against asians more so then any other gender/race in this word.

so if you still think you have some validity to that extremely high-judgement, woman-hating bitterness of yours, i challenge you to prove to me that these women are as bad as the KKK or the nazis/neo-nazis. honestly... if chinalama thinks we are wasting time, then lets at least attempt to make a true debate about this...

if you want me to break it down and combine the two posts into one sentence, here it goes.

for SOME girls, there is SOME validity to that statement.

How can you argue against that? The same i'm sure can be said about asian guys, just i haven't heard so many stories like this.

[coagulated fat]

you two, tao and chinalam are the only 2 here besides kasia that make an effort of actually trying to counteract me.

Maybe just a few others but that's still not very many.
People (myself included) would make more of an effort if we thought you were worth it, ie thought our logic would make any sense to you and cause you to change your opinions.

[ChairmanMah]

People (myself included) would make more of an effort if we thought you were worth it, ie thought our logic would make any sense to you and cause you to change your opinions.

what's so sensible about your logic? tell me your logic and i'll tell you if it makes sense.

[Napoleon Chynamite]

parents love me, asian or not ^^

[coagulated fat]

tell me your logic and i'll tell you if it makes sense.
haha
Not touching this one with a 10 foot pole

[Emperor_Mike]

Maybe everyone should work on winning the parents of your S.O. over. Much easier than to let what may be a good thing slip away on the account that the parental units are disagreeable. People can change, right?

[mr. x]

Maybe everyone should work on winning the parents of your S.O. over. Much easier than to let what may be a good thing slip away on the account that the parental units are disagreeable. People can change, right?

sigh, thats so Hollywood though. the dad hates the son-in-laws guts but changes his mind after the zany situations he goes through to please him

in reality they dont like sometihng about you and it may be something petty like "oh he doesnt have a job" (well not petty but easily remedied) or something bigger like "i dont like how he's chinese, that needs to change"

[kasia]

i've interacted with vietnamese, chinese, and korean parents. all have made me feel very welcome. similarly, my parents (chinese) have also been very friendly with my bfs, and my mom usually makes it a point to buy them stuff whenever she and my dad go on vacations, etc.

i think, when people encounter difficult parents, it isn't because so much because of the parent's ethnicity but rather...they're just weird parents.

[kasia]

Hopefully, I get into Santa Clara University for their J.D./M.B.A. program. ..it's the only accredited law school in my vicinity and I'm not too confident about getting into Stanford.


there's also u.c. hastings and u.c. berkeley. i guess golden gate isn't accredited. or is it? thomas jefferson, etc.

[kasia]

it just almost seems to me like you think you're dating the person's parents when you use that as a reason to not date someone. i mean of course some parents can be very annoying, but do you ever refuse to date someone because s/he has annoying parents? i guess personally, i can't imagine myself thinking "she's a great girl, and she's attractive, but her parents are annoying as hell so i'm not going to ask her out." that just doesn't even remotely make sense to me.



no, but i have been turned off by people who don't know how to deal with their parents.

[Tao]

i think, when people encounter difficult parents, it isn't because so much because of the parent's ethnicity but rather...they're just weird parents.
for real, my parents are the shiznit

[ChinaLama]

for real, my parents are the shiznit

but j00 = teh suq. what happened? =/ j/k Tao. I bow to you. No not that way. No wait. fuck. forget it.

[achtungbaby]

take frigin chill pill, it's not that serious. i just throw stuff out there all the time to start trouble. once you get used to me you'll just get used to it."Throwing shit out there to start trouble" sounds trollish.

:(

Please try to be more considerate and sincere with your arguments and opinions in the near future. Throwing shit out there is what a ton of other Asian guys do in online forums, and frankly, can delegitimize what could have been a good point.

[lethal]

there's also u.c. hastings and u.c. berkeley. i guess golden gate isn't accredited. or is it? thomas jefferson, etc.

Golden Gate, USF...

However, Santa Clara and Stanford have the only JD/MBA programs in the South Bay/Peninsula area...at least JD/MBAs worth getting.

However, a Boalt/Haas JD/MBA is worth relocating for.

[mr. x]

no, but i have been turned off by people who don't know how to deal with their parents.

bingo! cuz its one thing to have in-laws against u let alone your S.O.

[shy]

for SOME girls, there is SOME validity to that statement.

even these 'some girls' are still not the most racist people against asians on this planet when compared to those who do hate crimes. in such a thread when we are merely discussing how some people will not date significant others due to asian parents, there definitely is SOME racism involved in SOME cases. but to say that even these cases are the most racist of all in this world is still completely jumping the gun.

in other words, i find that you tend to exhaggerate to get your point across about AF's but you will use it in any context just to pound down your attittude. in the end, you come off as a bit of a bitter woman-hater. and in this day and age, that makes many women feel uncomfortable. whether you intend this or not (giving you the benefit that you don't intend this of course).

so just think about how your one-liners that you pop into a long, serious discussion can be really annoying and frustrating. thanks.

[Emperor_Mike]

sigh, thats so Hollywood though. the dad hates the son-in-laws guts but changes his mind after the zany situations he goes through to please him

in reality they dont like sometihng about you and it may be something petty like "oh he doesnt have a job" (well not petty but easily remedied) or something bigger like "i dont like how he's chinese, that needs to change"

That doesn't mean you shouldn't put any effort into it. You don't have to go out of your way to please your S.O.'s parents, but you ought to be civil and respectful in any case. If it gets to the point where things aren't getting any better then you can think about abandoning ship. Certainly, the thought of running away with my tail between my legs wouldn't cross my mind from the get-go. Pleasing people and winning them over is one thing, but yielding is an entirely different matter altogether.

[shy]

no, but i have been turned off by people who don't know how to deal with their parents.

that is true... and i can understand this. it's nothing against directly against the parents but i guess one has to wonder, 'do i want to go out with person who doesn't have any tactfullness in handling his/her parents?'

a sign like that opens up a little understanding of what this person is like in other areas of life.

[achtungbaby]

Some scattered thoughts:

Parents, by their very nature, are overbearing, regardless of their skin color.
During high school I got along much better with parents who were either white or white-washed. The parents of the girls I dated felt more at ease with someone who acted like them, talked like them, laughed at what they laughed at. No surprise -- I felt more at ease around them too.
Never let a parent make you feel uncomfortable or make you feel less than you are -- or rather, don't blame them for this. I've never known any Asian parents who continued to reject someone who was self-assured, to the point of being able to withstand their bitching and still respond positively.