big sister-little brother relationship

[amietron]

my little brother's name is michael. he's 3 years younger than me, 15. he's not a small kid. 5'11" or so, and he's got to weigh at least 220. our relationship is funny. now that i'm away at college, we don't see eachother night and day, so i think he misses my presence at home. instead of my parents being on my case they're on his all time. during the week, he calls me once or twice just to see how i'm doing. our conversations don't usually span more than 1-2 minutes, but i can't say that i've appreciated his calls til now. thinking about it, it's really sweet. like, i know he really cares about me. he calls randomly, sometimes during lunch at school, always starting the conversation with, "hi aim, what're you doing?" once in a while he'll even find some of my friends who go to the same high school as he does, and he'll have/let them say hi too.

in the past few years we've never had any physical fights. i think those ended when i was in middle school. he's a lot bigger than me now so he knows that he can beat me up easily. our fights are all verbal now. in the big arguments we've had, once in a while, he presents the ultimatum, "yeah, that's right. you better shut up cuz you know i'll sock you." or something to that extent of proving him being stronger or more dominant.

it's funny. when i lived at home, he'd eaves drop on my phone conversations by listening from another phone in the house. whenever i'd leave to go anywhere, he'd always ask if he could tag along. even now, when i go home for the weekend, he'll sit near me and watch TV. even when i'm online in my parent's bedroom, he'll come and sit in the massage or recline chairs and either watch me play online or watch TV beside me. he wants to be friends with me and spend time with me.

i feel bad for him sometimes. i worry about him. he's not the smartest kid around so my parents pay for tutors to help him with school work, but what about the long run? the SAT is soon and i don't think he's going to do too well. his comprehension skills aren't the sharpest, most, if not all of his papers are crafted with the help of his tutor, mrs. harvey, and he's not the smartest in math and sciences, either. he's lived in my shadows his whole life and it makes me feel guilty. i don't know what to do to help. when i was at home, sometimes i'd try to help him with his homework, but usually i'd just end up doing the assignments for him.

my parents don't want him to have a job because they say he needs to concentrate in school, but at the same time, they don't give him allowance money either. i think my mom pays him $30-40 to vacuum the rooms and clean the bathrooms. before, i didn't get allowance either, but they let me work at my aunt's japanese grocery. now that i'm in college they give me a $200/month allowance to buy things that i may need outside of books and school related expenses. i feel bad my brother doesn't get free money. i almost feel like i should share mine with him.

so now i don't know what i should do to make our relationship better or how i can help him. is there any way i can help him with girls and stuff? narf.

i guess, first thing's first, right? i should get my driver's license as soon as possible so my brother and i can hang out outside of the house. i wouldn't mind taking him to lunch or dinner.

[ChinaLama]

your brother used to threaten to beat you, his big sis? make HIM pay for lunch or dinner!

[Emperor_Mike]

You're a good sister. :happy:

[John0101]

Your brother hasn't learned the value of hardwork. He sounds kinda immature and accustomed to people helping him (youngest child = spoiled). The only way to force him to work harder is by making him stand on his own two feet, that will make him realize how important work ethnics are. But he is only 15 and he has plenty of time to learn.

[mr. x]

how was your relationship before? close or one where you just sorta tolerated each other?

[teaz0r]

my little brother's two years younger than me.
i never really saw him much growing up, i was
living in boston and he was in england - i'd see
im maybe twice a year, during school holidays.
i think we became close when i started partying
a lot. i'd use him as collateral, i'd go out and
bring him along so my parents won't be too
worried.

and he turned out to be awesome company,
a fabulous drunk, and all my friends loved him;
it's sorta weird.

i think we meshed well together because
i stopped looking at him as my baby brother
and stopped thinking i knew best since i was
older. i just started treating him like my friends.
like you know, how sometimes you're a wee bit
nicer to your friends than your own siblings? -like
you don't go all ballistic on them if they do something
stupid? i think that effort makes a difference.

girlwise- i dunno. my brother never really had trouble,
i gave him the whole "wear a condom" speech as he
rolled his eyes at me, we talk about relationships
sometimes, but not really when he was in his teens.
he's 21 now, so i guess the whole girl-talk thing is
different from someone that's 15.

does your brother drink amiekins? drinking brings
people together.

[kimpossible]

Start simple. Sometimes people just need to vent and know that what they have to say is both heard and understood. I think the goal of getting some one on one time with your brother away from the house is a good idea. If you're not sure what to say or do, rely on listening. That's always a good strategy.