View Full Version : Does it really bother you that much?
AngryABCGirl
11-11-2003, 10:56 PM
I've noticed at school a lot AAs want to disassociate themselves from anything Asia (not Asian, this is confusing but I hope you'll get the idea) related. For example the whole where you come from question and oh your english is good or where are you parents from questions.
I was wondering what you guys felt since there's a pretty diverse group of Asians here. Whenever people ask me there's that little activist part of me that says I should be bothered, but then I'm like wait a second, I'm Chinese-American, why not? So I answer the questions accordingly although I do tell people that they might offend other Asians.
MellowDrama
11-11-2003, 11:53 PM
It's a double-edged sword. Is the person trying to get to know you better, or is he/she assuming you are a foreigner and questioning your American-ness? I don't think it's necessarily offensive all the time. It just depends on how they say it and under what circumstances they ask it.
Any remarks about "good English" (I've never gotten that in real life) would probably induce a remark like "your English is pretty good, too."
mr. x
11-12-2003, 12:00 AM
It's a double-edged sword. Is the person trying to get to know you better, or is he/she assuming you are a foreigner and questioning your American-ness? I don't think it's necessarily offensive all the time. It just depends on how they say it and under what circumstances they ask it.
Any remarks about "good English" (I've never gotten that in real life) would probably induce a remark like "your English is pretty good, too."
ive never had to put up with those kindsa remarks but one of my bro's friends said she went to the midwest or something and a woman was like "your english is really good!" and she was thinking "no shit...."
anyway i had a best friend (white) back in elementary, and we kinda went our seperate ways after Junior High. i talked to him over the phone later and he was telling me about a girl he was dating and he was like "she's got nice T&A, and she's like your color"
the color thing didnt really bother me but its just he turned into what he vowed never to turn into
Chester
11-12-2003, 12:03 AM
I very rarely get that sort of stuff here in California.
I remember one funny incident that took place while at college on the East Coast...
I was having lunch with a magazine in the cafeteria when my roommate's girlfriend came by. I and my other housemates found her annoying, but were nothing but cordial to her, so when she asked if she could join me, I welcomed her to take a seat and put away my magazine.
We mostly chatted about innocuous sorts of stuff when she asked me (not entirely out of the blue, but I don't remember the context anymore)...she asked me: "Will your parents end up arranging your marriage?"
I was kind of stunned at the ludicrositialiness of the question, told her that -- while arranged marriages were historically common -- arranged marriages are pretty rare in modern China and unheard of amongst Chinese Americans.
I also thought to myself how funny it was that this particular "stereotype" was brought up to me by a girl from Tennessee.
But she wasn't being malicious or insulting. She was curious-but-clueless. Insensitive questions -- so long as they're not asked with some insulting intent -- are fine with me. I don't see any reason to get huffy just because someone is uninformed about certain things...especially since you're being presented with an opportunity to help inform them.
I mean, I know there have been plenty of times when the cultural upbringing I was given didn't cover certain social situations or topics of conversation.
So long as you've sussed out that the questioner isn't trying to be an asshole, my opinion is that patient explanations are called for in these situations.
mr. x
11-12-2003, 12:10 AM
But she wasn't being malicious or insulting. She was curious-but-clueless. Insensitive questions -- so long as they're not asked with some insulting intent -- are fine with me. I don't see any reason to get huffy just because someone is uninformed about certain things...especially since you're being presented with an opportunity to help inform them.
wow, good thing u took the high road ida been like :wacko:
anyway i feel the same way, if someones "well meaning" i can deal with it. i mean i once asked a dude who was part indian (mostly mexican) if he was this tribe or that tribe (cuz we learned a coupla tribes from class) and he got indignant about it (i was kinda cool with him though). i didnt mean nothing by it though
SunWuKong
11-12-2003, 12:23 AM
I've noticed at school a lot AAs want to disassociate themselves from anything Asia (not Asian, this is confusing but I hope you'll get the idea) related. For example the whole where you come from question and oh your english is good or where are you parents from questions.
I was wondering what you guys felt since there's a pretty diverse group of Asians here. Whenever people ask me there's that little activist part of me that says I should be bothered, but then I'm like wait a second, I'm Chinese-American, why not? So I answer the questions accordingly although I do tell people that they might offend other Asians.
in a way it's kind of ironic. you want it to be known that you're Asian, but you're dissociating with anything Asia. i guess that's where the whole Asian American identity comes in.
i don't mind being asked where i was from, but that could be because i wasn't born in the US. i just answer "Hong Kong". same thing with my roommates because they were born in Hong Kong and mainland China, but have been here for a number of years now (11 years and 14 years).
I've noticed at school a lot AAs want to disassociate themselves from anything Asia (not Asian, this is confusing but I hope you'll get the idea) related. For example the whole where you come from question and oh your english is good or where are you parents from questions.
Having been born in America, it bugs me a lot. Not so much the question but the attitude behind it. If I actually answer the question presented, and say that I come from New Jersey, they act like I totally misinterpreted the question, that it's my fault I'm supposed to overlook the sheer rudeness of the question, and infer that what they are really saying is "you are inherently a foreigner, so what race are you?"
Okay, it's nice that they're trying to start conversation, but really, there are about 1000 other ways that are a lot less rude. You don't go up to people in wheelchairs or burn victims and ask them how they got to be that way because it's none of your business. What business is my race to someone else? Who I am intrinsicly is not an invitation. If I am wearing a t-shirt with something on it, that is a voluntary signal. If I dyed my hair green, that is an open invitation. Anything else, it's just rude.
AliBabaIncorporated
11-12-2003, 01:13 PM
Increasingly, I just say I'm Malaysian. 99% of people don't know jack shit about the country and couldn't even point it out on a map (even though they love writing indignant editorials about Anwar or Dr. M's speeches or whatnot) and of course have no clue what a Malaysian looks like. So basically it kills all conversation along those lines.
nonamerasian
11-12-2003, 01:57 PM
I sometimes ask people what is there ethnic background, particularly if they have a surname I haven't heard before.
I tend not to ask people of East Asian descent any more since I don't want it to be interpreted as me questioning their citizenship, which is sometimes inevitable no matter if I specify why I've asked.
I do understand why that is sometimes the case, as I do have American friends who have been complimented on their English, but the question is never intended to be rude when it comes from my mouth.
Perhaps nosey, but not rude.
deez nuts
11-12-2003, 02:48 PM
nope
John0101
11-12-2003, 02:57 PM
anyway i had a best friend (white) back in elementary, and we kinda went our seperate ways after Junior High. i talked to him over the phone later and he was telling me about a girl he was dating and he was like "she's got nice T&A, and she's like your color"
the color thing didnt really bother me but its just he turned into what he vowed never to turn into
wait, I don't get it, what did he turn into?
kasia
11-12-2003, 03:13 PM
not really. especially when i hear fresh asa kids talking about it. it's like the first progressive idea that they can understand. kinda like when someone learns a new word and uses it over and over. it's annoying.
but i do understand the whole idea about how we're treated like forever foreigners and how the question relates to that idea.
honestly, i rarely get that question. i think i look too much like an abc.
wait, I don't get it, what did he turn into?
a T&A man, hehe, joking, i think X thinks he's a phile.
mr. x
11-12-2003, 07:40 PM
wait, I don't get it, what did he turn into?
well more specifically in elemantary he was like "i wont be all like being with a girl just cuz she has big boobs" and stuff like that. i mean me and him used to just rant about society and man, he's a bit of a mess now
to be honest, its not really a race thing
MellowDrama
11-12-2003, 08:51 PM
Increasingly, I just say I'm Malaysian. 99% of people don't know jack shit about the country and couldn't even point it out on a map (even though they love writing indignant editorials about Anwar or Dr. M's speeches or whatnot) and of course have no clue what a Malaysian looks like. So basically it kills all conversation along those lines.
Good job! :)
tapestrybabe
11-12-2003, 09:28 PM
naaah... not really...
i'm usually upfront and tell them..
i was born in korea anyways...
don't bother me none, since i was born in china.....plus sometimes this country pisses me off that i'd like to disown it.
ChinaLama
11-12-2003, 10:42 PM
I was born in China, too, but it still bothers me somewhat if a person just automatically ASSUMES I'm from China just b/c of my features. They just happen to be right in my case but it would be like if I just assumed a Kaufman or a Stein was from Germany.
mr. x
11-12-2003, 11:27 PM
I was born in China, too, but it still bothers me somewhat if a person just automatically ASSUMES I'm from China just b/c of my features. They just happen to be right in my case but it would be like if I just assumed a Kaufman or a Stein was from Germany.
or was jewish
Proud_Jook_Sing
11-13-2003, 11:50 AM
she asked me: "Will your parents end up arranging your marriage?"
You should have replied:
"Nope, so you and I still have a chance." :D
Emperor_Mike
11-14-2003, 01:18 AM
No.
teaz0r
11-14-2003, 02:32 AM
nooooooooooo.
except when sexpats try to talk to me.
jutau
11-15-2003, 12:54 AM
I'm from Brooklyn, born and raised.
And so far from what i can remember from my past and present, when i get that question i give "brooklyn" as the answer. if they dont know where that is i usually end up saying NYC. I guess i've been quite fortunate in my many encounters with humans... Then after that question, a few came up with the next question of "So where are you parents from?" i give them China, and then i usually ask them back.
mr. x
11-16-2003, 05:24 PM
from angryasianman.com
11.15.03
This week, New York Met official Bill Singer, a former All-Star pitcher with the Dodgers and Angels, directed racially insensitive remarks at Dodger executive Kim Ng in deriding her Chinese heritage. Singer, hired last week as a special assistant to Met General Manager Jim Duquette, confronted Ng, a Dodger vice president and assistant general manager, late Tuesday night at the general manager meetings in Phoenix. According to witnesses, Singer approached Ng in the bar of the hotel where the meetings occurred. After asking Ng, the highest-ranking Asian American in the major leagues, questions about her background in a sarcastic tone, Singer began speaking nonsensically in mock Chinese before eventually leaving. Baseball officials within earshot described the exchange:
Singer: What are you doing here?
Ng: I'm working.
Singer: What are you doing here?
Ng: I'm working. I'm the Dodger assistant general manager.
Singer: Where are you from?
Ng: I was born in Indiana and grew up in New York.
Singer: Where are you from?
Ng: My family's from China.
Singer: (Nonsensically mock Chinese). What country in China?
Singer has subsequently expressed remorse for his remarks. "I'm embarrassed by what I said when I met Ms. Ng on Tuesday evening. My comments were totally inappropriate and I'm truly sorry. I have apologized to her and hope that she will forgive me."
Oh, hell no.
Duquette says the matter is currently "under review by the organization," but Singer better not go undisciplined. People have been fired over much less. WHERE ARE YOU FROM? and MOCK CHINESE CRAP! Sucka is going down. That's racist!
wtf, great, now i won't be able to cheer for the mets too! god damn, shit is messed up.
[edit]
think there's a chance we can turn this incident into YW's new social activist project?
i'd be game if everyone else is.
it seems he did get fired:
http://www.nydailynews.com/sports/story/137164p-121999c.html
hmm...let's keep a close eye on this so that this guy won't ever get hired in baseball again
fucking asshole needs to be taught a lesson
SynRG
11-16-2003, 10:53 PM
Any remarks about "good English" (I've never gotten that in real life) would probably induce a remark like "your English is pretty good, too."
I've gotten that and I'm half white.
It's different though 'cuz I'm Eurasian. Half the time people ask us "where we're from" because they're just trying to figure out what we the hell we are. It doesn't really make it any less annoying though.
My question is does it make a difference to you guys if the person asking "where are you from?" is Asian or non-Asian?
Usually I'll ask other Asians where there family is from just b/c I'm curious (if I can't allready tell by their name), but I distinguish between "where is your family from/what's your heritage" and "where are YOU from." When I ask people where they are from I really mean what city did they grow up in.
Singer, hired last week as a special assistant to Met General Manager Jim Duquette, confronted Ng, a Dodger vice president and assistant general manager, late Tuesday night at the general manager meetings in Phoenix. According to witnesses, Singer approached Ng in the bar of the hotel where the meetings occurred. After asking Ng, the highest-ranking Asian American in the major leagues, questions about her background in a sarcastic tone, Singer began speaking nonsensically in mock Chinese.
This question bothers me when it is used to imply that I don't belong, like it was used in Ng's case. I especially resent this question in professional settings.
Singer's arrogance simply astounds me. He was a new hire and yet he still felt entitled to question Ng's position and to be grossly offensive to her ... as if she did not matter. Hope he loses his job.
sdcheung
11-17-2003, 07:06 AM
No.
half of me comes from Wuhua County Guangdong China (Hakka Region)
another Half comes from Taiwan.
I also come from South Bend Indiana
and I also come from New York city.
so no..I don't feel bothered by ppl who ask me where I come from.
My question is does it make a difference to you guys if the person asking "where are you from?" is Asian or non-Asian?
yeah it does make a difference to me. case in point, my TAs in my chem lab are mostly international students from china. So they would ask me whether or not I was chinese, or knew how to speak the language. So by that i'm not offended, cause they're just trying to find a common ground that they can relate with you, in a way trying to make the relationship closer.
non asians however, i'd have to go on a case by case basis. since some of my friends have asked me the same question, but it's more about trying to understand you and what kind of person you are rather than trying to exclude you from the "mainstream." Those that do ask the where are you from question, and are racist, do so usually in a tone and at a time where you just know that he/she wants to segregate you based on your heritage. it's easy to tell.
jutau
11-17-2003, 06:48 PM
i would agree...
Hopefully for most people that it's out of curiosity, but there are always gonna be some that will have a condesending tone, trying to make the other person feel as if he/she/they dont belong and what not. I think the next time anyone iss in that same situation, you should say where you are from and be proud, then ask them that same question. No one should ever feel bad about their origins, or be put down because of it.
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