Question for Women - Orgasms

[Proud_Jook_Sing]

OK, this is a serious question. My partner doesn't really know what I do that makes her come sometimes and not others. Being the good guy I am I ask what she likes, what she wants, etc.

Her answer is still she doesn't know and if I keep asking I am putting too much pressure on her and she won't come then. She says sometimes it just won't happen so don't make a big deal out of it. (Hehe, yep she won't fake it with me)

Actually I can understand her reasoning, the more pressure and stress there is the less chance of it happening.

So my question to the ladies does this happen to you too or is there something that will always bring an orgasm.

[kimpossible]

Uh... depends on the woman. Some women get off only on clitoral stimulation others can vaginal, clitoral, anal, nipple stimulation - it's endless.

I think she's just shy about telling you what you want. It takes time for trust to build up for a woman to tell you what she wants, also to know her body. Personally, I'd advocate she get herself off more to get to know her body and then show you how to do it. Alternately watch some porn to get an idea. Might want to start with more vanilla porn or instructional porn to get an idea of what's appealing to her.

You might have better luck with the guys helping you out about this. Even though I'm female I can't really instruct you on another woman's body in a post. I'm straight so the body I work with is male.

[Proud_Jook_Sing]

Hehe, I've been with her for 16 years. She's comfortable with me. ;)

After 3 kids we are getting back into the swing of things. Yes there can be lots of sex after marriage and kids (kids are 6,4,2 so we're not out of the woods yet). Just want to make her experience better.

I saw another thread on this forum where alot of AF say they can never or infrequently have an orgasm from vagina sex. I guess I should count myself lucky then. She only gets off on vagina sex but not always. Still there's room for improvement but I am not going to stress her out so I am just looking for things I can do. Any other suggestions on what to try on my part?

[kimpossible]

Or you could do what dac, aka Mr. Pussy, likes to do.

[kboy75]

bottom line: the woman has to know her own body and know it well to know what to do to get herself off.

maybe get her a vibrator and help her masturbate. if you have been together for 16 years i don't imagine it being uncomfortable or weird right? use lots of lube and warm it up in your hands. help her feel comfortable and tell her things that turn her on while you do it. maybe have her lean her back against you, and you help her by reaching down there while she uses the vibrator...

every woman is different, but practice makes perfect. i haven't been with someone for 16 years, but i have experienced sexual plateaus. spice it up and make it exciting. maybe it's gotten routine.

lastly, have a lot of patience.

good luck!

[kimpossible]

maybe get her a vibrator and help her masturbate. use lots of lube and warm it up in your hands. help her feel comfortable and tell her things that turn her on while you do it. maybe have her lean her back against you, and you help her by reaching down there while she uses the vibrator...


time to look at kboy again with new eyes...

[Irezumi Kiss]

Hehe, I've been with her for 16 years. She's comfortable with me. ;)

16 years? Yeesh...I should be asking YOU questions!

Try some light makeover role playing fantasies. Like "The Stranger In A Bar." Or if you live near an urban transit system, try "I Met Her/Him On The Train."

Read erotica. Or better yet, do what I do and write your own...maybe even in tandem yet...y'know, you start a story and have her finish it, or vice versa...

Creativity and imagination can go a long way and has no expiration date for the adventurous!

:happy:

[Proud_Jook_Sing]

16 years? Yeesh...I should be asking YOU questions!

Try some light makeover role playing fantasies. Like "The Stranger In A Bar." Or if you live near an urban transit system, try "I Met Her/Him On The Train."

Read erotica. Or better yet, do what I do and write your own...maybe even in tandem yet...y'know, you start a story and have her finish it, or vice versa...

Creativity and imagination can go a long way and has no expiration date for the adventurous!

:happy:
16 years I know. Maybe I am getting better, she used to rarely have an orgasm. LOL, we were busy dealing with finishing college, then career, then 7 years of child rearing (and counting). I guess we should have based more of our early relationship on just sex. :D We're just happy we got out of the rut where married people never have sex anymore (because the kids suck all the energy out of you!)

Seriously though, our lives are still pretty busy and we put aside alot of housework etc. to fit in sex. ;) You single/childless folks enjoy your time!

She's very happy with everything is probably why we haven't explored more (she is pure sunshine) but can be shy.

To kboy75, I had thought of getting her a vibrator for some time. So I finally decide to broach it with her tonight. As expected, she said it wasn't necessary, she said that I was all she needed. <---- she's so sweet, this is why I want to improve things. Well, I'll let her think about it. I let her know it wasn't for when she was alone to use it.

[Proud_Jook_Sing]

Or you could do what dac, aka Mr. Pussy, likes to do.
Been there done that. Never worked :(

[mr. x]

16 years? Yeesh...I should be asking YOU questions!

Try some light makeover role playing fantasies. Like "The Stranger In A Bar." Or if you live near an urban transit system, try "I Met Her/Him On The Train."

Read erotica. Or better yet, do what I do and write your own...maybe even in tandem yet...y'know, you start a story and have her finish it, or vice versa...

Creativity and imagination can go a long way and has no expiration date for the adventurous!

:happy:

hahahah, the whole roleplaying thing gives me the laughs, i always imagine scenarios like this

"okay honey, u be the elf queen and ill be the 7th level wizard"

or white man to his white wife: "ill be the pizza guy, u be the asian dominatrix"

[shy]

It's not ya bro, you can be the best fuck ... but if she doesn't know her own body, she won't cum. It's all about the woman.

A woman can cum whether you're penetrading or just fingering her. If she can't make herself cum, then you'll have a harder time.

lol! don't listen to dac, Mr. Proud_Jook_Sing...

yes, it is important to know one's own body... but if some one actually believes that a woman 'can cum whether you're penetrating or just fingering her' in my belief, doesn't give enough credit to the woman. ;)

plus, i know women who are the opposite... they can't make themselves orgasm w/out their male partner's help.

but the bottom line is... just because a woman can make herself orgasm on her own, and just because the guys might be 'the best fuck'... there still needs to be good rhythm between the two... and great communication. everyone jives to a different tune.

"I got rhythm, I got music, I got my man
Who could ask for anything more?"

[blkazngirl]

not sure that your partner "came"? Flick the Clit, it will arouse her everytime.

"I'm not nasty, I just know what I like" :ohmy:

[shy]

HUH?
LOL! A woman CAN cum either by fingering or penetrading. She doesn't have to be fucked to orgaz, she can be finger banged or eaten out and CUM.

Women who can't CUM w/o their partner don't play with themselves, that's why.
And of course what makes the best fucken sex is a relationship.

OK .. whatever .... you're right. I ain't a woman but these ladies I was with CUMMED, each and everyone of them. And it isn't cuz it's the size of my big cock, they "advise" me where to hit, lick, suck, and finger at.

Finger licking good.

i'm not doubting that you've been successfull w/ your women... i mean, how would i know, right? :)

i'm just saying that not all women can cum just by finger penetration. i'd rather not assume all women are alike. the only time i've cummed w/ finger penetration is if my clit was being stimulated at the same time. otherwise... finger penetration for me is just part of foreplay to help get things going. but it's not enough for me.

and i don't think just because a woman can't cum w/ her partner immediately says that she doesn't play w/ herself. i've been cumming on my own since i was 14. but it took awhile for me (well into my mid-20's) until i was able to cum with a partner.

and from all the sexual awareness workshops i've helped organize/co-ordinate, it appears that i wasn't the only one...

but i do agree with you that a relationship is a great stimulant for sex! ;)

[achtungbaby]

Fascinating:)

[ModernLogic]

Try giving her a rimjob.

[shy]

Shy .... I'm giving more "credit" to women than you think (cuz it's all about her). Maybe I needed to rephrase my myself, it depends on the individual (what I meant originally) ... some CUM easily, some takes more work. Right? And finger penetration is just a part of foreplay but surely some women can CUM just by that.

A woman who can't cum w/o a partner haven't played with herself cuz she shouldn't have to, not comfortable with it, or straight out just don't want to pleasure herself period (whatever her reasons). But surely ... a woman MOST likely can CUM w/o her partner if she REALLY wanted to, no? She just hasn't explore herself YET.

So back to my original post, a woman CAN cum. Maybe it'll take some discovering. Any case, it's her body ... and she knows what turns her on just like I (as a man) know what turns me on (which is a great ass).

But yeah ... I've had the best sexual experiences with women I've had a relationship with.

sorry, dac. i thought you were talking in the extreme and definite sense... like 'all women' instead of 'some/most women'. i misunderstood.

i still do not know for sure whether or not some can come more easily if they first play with themselves but i will agree that it doesn't hurt! and i do think most women can cum w/o a partner. trust me... i am still surprised to hear some women telling me that they've never masterbated. and i'm not talking about those that are shy or embarrassed. i'm talking about openly, sexual women... who really have never masturbated or orgasmed from trying! i mean, there's nothing wrong with that. but i was quite surprised.

there's some i've talked too... and they rather cum by vaginal penetration. they think it's because their clit gets really sore very easily. ultra-sensitive, perhaps. and it's more painfull for them if it's rubbed.

i'm sort of like that. there seems to be this wndow period where that area can be touched (gently) before it starts feeling sore.